Today early morning (29 Nov 2018) a powerful dream/experience/message happened to me. It left a profoundly deep impact, really shook me up and filled me with wonder. I needed time to integrate all those deep emotions and experiences.
Whatever the ultimate truth may be, we must never lose our child-like wonder and the thirst to ‘look up’/within for the answers
In this dream/experience I found myself in a bigger group of people. We were getting ready to go somewhere and Mohanji was there as well, surrounded by people with many questions. In the end only our daughter Mila and I took the journey.
After entering an elegant capsule-shaped elevator made of glass, we traveled up into the transport vehicle – I looked up and saw a beautiful spacecraft, realizing in an instant that this is where the super-light elevator is taking us. The spacecraft was silver, with a bit of pearl-like glow. It was of triangular shape, with one side of the triangle being slightly rounded and decorated with golden lights. Similar to a cockpit, there was a semi-circle made of thick glass towards the top of the triangle opposite from the lights. I’ve not seen such spacecraft ever before, on Internet or any prior vision/account.
As we entered, the area where we got seated was really elegant, all in glass (I assume that’s the ‘cockpit’), with the prime view of beautiful sky all around us. The journey started super smoothly without any sound of engine or any shaking or jerking – all perfectly smooth, soft and elegant. Mila was silent and awe-struck. I could sense the loving presence of other beings around us, but they didn’t ‘wear’ bodies and that didn’t bother me at all. The energy we were in was so overwhelmingly pleasant and the inner sensation of freedom, joy and love simply indescribable.
We were moving at a very high speed and yet so gently. I knew we started from Europe but in less than 1 or 2 min we were passing through New York (I could recognize the tall NY skyscrapers). What really surprised me was the ease with which we were passing THROUGH the tall buildings. We didn’t have to go around them – the moment we approached any of the buildings, their molecular structure would change. It was as if they would instantly turn into some kind of a jelly (or just a hologram) so that we could pass through them smoothly. This was the most superior technology I’ve ever seen! And at the same time it was fully in harmony with everything around it – nicely blending in, not causing any harm or disturbance to anyone. In other words, the evident command of physical laws and laws of nature was not arrogant, but loving and considerate.
After that, the energy became even more intense as we started taking off into outer space. Unfortunately, that part simply did not register in my mind –for reasons unknown to me, all I remember was that I came back to the same place and the same group of people. They were same but I was not… Still so filled with awe after all these supreme experiences, I was literally shocked by the return into this vibration. It felt like an unbearably painful fall. Utter disappointment and depressive heaviness overwhelmed me as I joined the much, much lower vibration of our daily life. I observed the busy minds, people chatting, caught up in their mind, emotions and the mundane issues. “Goodness, what a horrid matrix!”, I thought. It was so incredibly challenging to integrate this experience. I got up with a puffed face as if I cried a lot, rushing to get Mila ready for school on time.
This experience prompted me to write this blog. It makes one wonder – what is reality and what is the dream here…? I still remember the agony with which, towards the end of this dream, I tried to share my experience with one man. I was already feeling how my words could not describe the depth of these mighty sensations of freedom and love supreme. He listened a bit and then brushed it off by saying that he is in a hurry to pack his bag. Surrounded by all those ‘hurry-worry’ types, my second attempt was equally miserable. The pain of not being understood while being separated from those supreme energies demanded silence and introspection. In that crowd, Mohanji alone was different. I knew he would understand me, so I tried to reach him to discuss this experience with him, but he was still surrounded with so many people asking him questions, so I didn’t feel like interrupting. I had to deal with this alone…
It then struck me how difficult it must be to be AWAKE in this world and still function in a sane way… Disparity between our true potential and what we live in our daily lives is painfully huge. The burden that the awakened Masters actually carry, while ever so lovingly and patiently sharing their energy, love and knowledge, is surely unfathomable.
It is high time that we wake up from this reality that CAN BE so much greater, so much more loving and free, if we CHOOSE to break the invisible chains within our minds which perpetuate such reality (the movie ‘Matrix’ comes to mind in a strikingly real and new way…).
I would like to end this sharing with a text I wrote a couple of years ago upon reading an e-book about the encounter with a Pleiadean. (This is a collection of original transcripts of the REAL LIFE interviews of a nurse called Matilda with a spiritually evolved extraterrestrial. This happened in America in 1947.)
(image sourced from the net)
How’s this for a lesson in our forgotten human history on Earth (to me, it makes much more sense than the Darwinian story of our ape-like ancestors or the literal interpretations of the Adam and Eve story):
My prayers and deep gratitude go to the beautiful soul of Matilda Macelroy, a Medical Nurse in the US Army, who wrote about this experience at the time when a spacecraft from Pleiades crash-landed in USA, with ‘Airl’ as the survivor. Matilda was a person of great integrity and purity – without her courage and commitment to the Truth, we would have never had the privilege of reading this literally mind-blowing material.
It was so amazing to read this – I felt that something within me was REELING with joy, as it always felt like common sense to me that highly evolved civilizations not only exist in the outer space, but have been helping us from time immemorial. I personally had several profound inner experiences confirming that.
As Dr. Sunny Satin said, in the amazing book “The Shift”, people who wonder how come we were not aware of the evolved ‘aliens’ so far, should know the following: if we place our current stage of evolution on a scale of 1 -100, we have reached the sad level of only 3! Asking why we are not included into the ‘Galactic Federation’ etc. would be the same like an African bushman asking why he’s not invited to the UN Security Council. In simple words, we are not eligible. Most people still function from the gross level of fear and greed… I just love the way this particular extraterrestrial politely ignored all the US Navy ‘experts’ and would communicate only with a simple nurse, due to her purity. And then, how ironic, they even tried to apply their silly coercion methods on her (electric shocks and the like), as if she had any attachment to her physical ‘doll’ body – simply pathetic!
Here are a few quotes to give you a ‘feel’ of this text:
“The notion that human biological organisms evolved naturally from earlier ape-like forms is incorrect. No physical evidence will ever be uncovered to substantiate the notion that modern humanoid bodies evolved on this planet. Factually, humanoid bodies have existed in various forms throughout the universe for trillions of years.
[…]
The essence of creation and existence cannot be found through the lens of a microscope or telescope or by any other measurement of the physical universe. One cannot comprehend the perfume of a flower or the pain felt by an abandoned lover with meters and calipers.
[…]
Everything you will ever know about the creative force and ability of a God can be found within you – an Immortal Spiritual Being.
[…]
You, and every IS-BE (Immortal Spiritual Being that you are) on Earth, have participated in the creation of this universe. Even though you are now confined to a fragile body made of flesh; you live, in average, for only 65 short rotations of your planet around a star; you have been given overwhelming electric shock treatments to wipe out your memory; you must learn everything all over again each lifetime. In spite of all these circumstances, you are who you are and will always be. And, deep down, you still know that you are and what you know. You are still the essence of you.
[…]
How can a blind man teach others to see the nearly infinite gradients that comprise the spectrum of light? The notion that one can understand the universe without understanding the nature of an IS-BE is as absurd as conceiving that an artist is a speck of paint on his own canvas.
[…]
Study of the spirit has been booby-trapped by the thought control operation through religious superstitions instilled in the minds of men.
Conversely, the studies of the spirit and the mind have been prohibited by science which eliminates anything that is not measurable in the physical universe. Science is the religion of matter. It worships matter.
[…]
The debilitating impact and addiction to the “sexual aesthetic-pain” electronic wave 209 is the reason that the ruling class of The Domain, from which I come, do not inhabit flesh bodies. This is also why officers of The Domain Forces only use doll bodies. This wave has proven to be the most effective trapping device ever created in the history of the universe, as far as I know.
[…]
The vested interest of the “Old Empire” prison system is to prevent you from looking at your own soul. They fear that you will see in your own memory the slave masters who keep you imprisoned. The prison is made of shadows in your mind. The shadows are made of lies, and pain, and loss, and fear.
[…]
The true geniuses of civilization are those IS-BEs who will enable other IS-BEs to recover their memory and regain self-realization and self-determination. This issue is not solved through enforcing moral regulation on behavior, or through the control of beings through mystery, faith, drugs, guns or any other dogma of a slave society. And certainly not through the use of electric shock and hypnotic commands!
[…]
The closest concept that human beings have to describe an IS-BE is as a god: all-knowing, all-powerful, infinite. So, how does a god stop being a god? They pretend NOT to know. How can you play a game of ‘hide and seek’ if you always know where the other person is hiding?”
Our richness is in sharing from the purest space within the heart. In our awareness is the key to Truth…
Mohanji and Devi in Novi Sad, Serbia in 2017. Photo by Marko Milovic
Marija was my best friend, Maid of Honor at my wedding and someone who knew me truly and deeply. So unique in her inner and outer beauty, inimitable in her warmth, Marija was a true blessing.
Marija as the Maid of Honor at my wedding, 18 April 2010
She called me Biljka. That was a nickname by which only Marija used to address me and later on it became contagious – her parents and all our mutual friends started calling me Biljka (pronounced as Bilyka). This word was like a code for expansion of my heart – the moment I would hear Marija’s warm and long “Biiiiiiiiiljka”, coupled with her unique smile, a wave of inner joy would engulf my heart. She would make me feel so loved, authentic and special.
The timelessly beautiful smile of my dear Marija
The warmth and depth in Marija’s eyes, the joy in her mouth-wide-open hearty laughter, her ability to listen ever so deeply and devotedly noticing every little detail, her unique words of endearment and style of communication – that was my one and only shesha whom I love with all my heart.
Not just smiling, but smiling from the heart…
“Shesha” was the number one favorite word invented by Marija, a word embedded with cuteness, softness and love. That was the word she used for her pet and all those whom she loved a lot. Such was Marija’s nature – indescribable beauty and love, and most of all striking purity of heart which can never be forgotten. This is my humble attempt to convey just how much I love my dearest Marija and how uniquely beautiful she was.
University days in Rome
I will never forget our first encounter. We were on some sort of a tour organized by John Cabot University (JCU). I joined JCU in late August 2000, after a year of truly challenging work as Language Assistant for the United Nations Mission in Kosovo. I barely survived that year, went through a near-death experience and many dangerous situations.
Marija and I in 2003 at the entrance to the apartment where I used to live – Via della Scala 6, 2 min from JCU
When I arrived to Rome after winning a Balkan Presidential Scholarship, I received a life line, regained my sanity and started a completely new life. Still, initially it took me a couple of months to actually adapt to my new environment. It seemed too good to be true and the weight of the past experiences took time to digest.
Due to the war in Former Yugoslavia and many ups and downs of life, I felt much older than the students of my generation. I did not quite connect with any of them – not until Marija arrived to JCU a year later. She just appeared out of nowhere that day, during this JCU tour. It was she who spotted me in the crowd of students listening to the tour guide that afternoon. She shared with me later on how she experienced our encounter:
“I noticed a girl who stood out from the rest through her very presence. You were dressed differently and radiated differently. I could feel your clothing and posture were not a show-off different, but authentic different. I somehow knew right away you were from Serbia. When I heard you speak I could make out by the accent that my intuition was correct. So I approached you right away.” That day marked the beginning of a friendship that truly enriched my life.
Graduation dinner, Rome 2003
At that time I was deeply in love with Sinisha, a Serbian guy from Croatia. I met him in Zagreb in August 2000 while waiting for my student visa to be issued. During the two days that we spent together I fell in love with him so deeply that it took me some time to gather myself. Just like everything in my life, Sinisha could not be like ordinary guys. He had an unusually high IQ and was very spiritual, deep, mysterious and complex. Our conversations and emails were like spiritual discourses and many a times our emotional rollercoasters were overwhelmingly intense. There was nothing I loved more than to meet my dearest Marija over a cup of Cappuccino in one of the many beautiful café bars of Trastevere (the heart of Rome, where our University was located and where I managed to find a small apartment to rent) and discuss our number one topic – Sinisha. In fact, ‘Spirituality cum Sinisha’ was our favorite topic because of the depth of his words and his spiritual background. Marija and I loved to talk about spiritual teachings, real-life issues, challenges on the soul’s journey, astrology, love and pain, the essence of life… Many times it happened that I would meet her with the following words, brimming with excitement: “Shesho, you won’t believe what happened….” – we couldn’t wait for the lectures to end so that we could sit together over a cup of Cappuccino and discuss my latest communication with Sinisha and the realization related to the same.
While listening to me, her sparkling eyes would glue on me as if she wasn’t breathing. She would get so deeply engrossed. I have never met such a great listener like Marija. Her empathy was endless and focus onto herself and her own needs so incredibly small. Unlike me, she mainly wore jeans, paid no intention to hair styling or make-up. She was as simple as she could be, completely natural and so beautiful in her simplicity. We were like two opposites that matched perfectly as friends. Sinisha’s father was a great astrologer and he did a 120-page-long astrological profile of both of us. We dissected it in pieces and were often joking about my Moon in Leo (which is why I always had to have puffed hair and striking presence, like a proud lion who finds it natural to dominate and be ‘on stage’) while she was a real Leo in horoscope but so introverted.
Graduation – photo by a dear friend called Beppe
Trip to Baghdad
Soon after graduating from John Cabot University, Marija and I embraced the opportunity to go to work for a month or two for an American company, a private contractor with State Department. Our friend Ron said we would be safe at the Baghdad hotel and could work there as admin assistants. It was a great idea to earn a bit of money, but more than anything to experience firsthand what is happening in Iraq, an experience that kind of matched with our field of studies of International Affairs. So off we went. It was a real adventure to get there and even greater adventure to stay there.
Even though it was very dangerous to commute in Baghdad, we decided to visit the family with whom Marija grew up. She lived in Iraq for several years as a child and was eager to meet these people and see if they needed any help. I will never forget the moment we reached their house with an armored vehicle and their shock when they saw the tall and beautiful Marija whom they saw last when she was 5 or so. With tears in their eyes they showed us the photo of Marija and her family and expressed so much love. All of it was simply surreal.
Postgraduate studies in America
After graduating from JCU and visiting Iraq, I went on to Amerika. I was incredibly lucky to win another scholarship just through mere internet search and application – this time for the postgraduate Peace Studies at the stunning Notre Dame University. I was in touch with Marija literally daily and when she came to know that Sinisha is about to get a son from another lady, with whom he was in a long-term relationship all along, she immediately decided she had to tell me that even though she knew it would hurt a lot. With Marija’s support and love I could handle anything. She always referred to problems as challenges, lessons of Saturn, etc. She had a unique talent to somehow direct one’s attention to deeper topics and meaning, beyond the obvious. She was always there for me to help me surf the waves of duality of life.
Dubai days
After graduating from Notre Dame, my job search and longing to be near India, the cradle of spirituality, brought me to Dubai. I eventually got employed by a man from State Department who recognized me from the UN days in Kosovo and offered me a job as Office Manager straight away. I had nothing else really solid going on so I accepted. The company grew fast and I was soon promoted into Director of Administration. I was allowed to employ people and so I brought Marija and my sister Dana to work with me, while Aleksandra (Belka) from Belgrade joined our merry group later on as well. For almost two years a group of joyous Serbian ladies lived in a villa by the sea in Dubai with an African American friend and we shared many beautiful experiences. We traveled to India many times for various spiritual courses and trainings, went Salsa dancing, walked and meditated at the beach together, trained Tae Kwan Do together and overall shared many unforgettable experiences that deepened our friendship many times over. I felt blessed that we had the chance to live and work together, embracing the infinite possibilities and experiences of life with openness and gratitude.
In 2006 I took two weeks off and joined a holistic doctor from Croatia on a spiritual adventure of travelling across India with GDV camera with which she intended to scan the auras of spiritual Masters. It was lots of fun. In the end we went to the abode of Sathya Sai Baba where I experienced profound realizations. It became clear to me that I wanted to do real service to humanity and that only a man who would be like a spiritual Master but unassuming could be my life partner. I asked Sai Baba for that blessing and forgot about it.
Soon after I returned to Dubai, the company we worked for went bankrupt all of a sudden, owing us last six salaries. We trusted them fully, naively and patiently waiting for the salaries to come. That never happened. In a blink of an eye we entered some serious financial challenges of life. Each one of us went her way looking for a way out of the debt on our credit cards. My sister Dana got a job offer in Nepal and moved there, while Marija and Belka returned to Serbia. Due to the car loan, I had to stay in Dubai and find another job. At that time I also became a certified Yoga instructor, learning how to stabilize myself from within in any circumstance of life. I did get a job offer through another friend to join United Nations Mission in Jordan, but I refused. For the first time after Sinisha, in January 2007 I finally met someone special with whom I could imagine myself in a deep and fulfilling relationship. His name was Mohan and out of respect people called him Mohanji. He was a founder of a charitable organization called Ammucare, dedicated to his daughter whom he lost in a road accident.
Mohanji and Marija in Belgrade, 2010
It didn’t take me long to understand that he was THE ONE I asked for from Sai Baba. Through telepathic communication with Mohanji, Sai Baba made sure we understood that.
Marija and Mohanji in Belgrade, 2010 – when he gifted her the book about Shirdi Sai Baba – Shri Sai Satcharitra
Marija and I now had many more profound stories to share. She was no longer with me physically but we were in touch regularly through online chat and email. After she went to USA and got busy with her studies and work challenges, our communication did reduce a bit but we always longed to spend time together. Memories of our long talks over a cup of Cappuccino were something we always used to mention with great joy.
When I got married in April 2010, Marija was my Maid of Honor at the wedding. We shared the joy of that day and laughed how Mohanji and I left the wedding to conduct the meditation in Belgrade.
Marija and Klara, our Maids of Honor, April 2010
Marija was fully involved with all our spiritual happenings.
Marija leaning on Mila in my belly, after meditation two weeks before Mila was born, March 2011
She was the first person from Serbia to be initiated into Mohanji’s Energy Transfer and conducted Mohanji’s meditation in Belgrade on regular basis.
After meditation in Belgrade, at Toma’s , 2011
When our daughter Mila was born in 2011, Marija came to our home in Novi Sad and held her with endless love. All her loving expressions were special and beautiful.
Marija admiring the new born Mila, April 2011
She was teasing my Dad a lot calling him “Ljubinko” because he likes to kiss a lot and easily cries during any moment that he finds touching. Mom, Dana and I criticize him a lot when he drinks but Marija would always say “Don’t be too strict with my Ljubinko. He has a good heart. That’s what’s most important. ” Her warmth and love simply engulfed our home, with so much joy and laughter. Such was Marija’s presence.
Marija’s parents with my parents at their home in Mostanica, 2015
At this point in time Marija was already living in New York and struggled financially. She spoke often of the tough life lessons that she was going through and how Saturn is delaying everything – no boyfriend, no job, no stability of any sort. But she was not telling anyone just how heavy that weighed down on her. I remember a point when she sent an email asking her closest friends for financial help. I knew how proud Marija was and that she must have been in real, big-time trouble to actually ask for help. Her email left a deep impression and I could feel her pain. With the help of our well off friends who worked in Oman, Mohanji and I opted to send Marija the savings earmarked for Mohanji’s ashram in India because we decided that supporting Marija was more important than buying the land. However, that still wasn’t enough because her student loan debt was very big. I was praying for Marija to come out of those challenges and never thought they would leave a detrimental effect on her health…
Life in Serbia
I never thought I was actually going to move to Serbia. In 2014, after I went to Kailash (Tibet), I decided to take a plunge by leaving my office job, embracing an adventure of life through Yoga teaching and experiential spirituality.
Meeting Marija in Mostanica, Serbia in 2015
Aside from Mohanji, Marija was a great support in this entire process of me becoming authentic and fearless. She was the first to encourage me to simply go back home and experience how much the support of the parents really means, especially when one has a small child. Even though she was not married and did not have her own children, somehow she had this amazing practical knowledge and wisdom. She was right. After ten years of living in the Middle East, I actually felt happy and settled when I came back to Serbia. I travelled a lot in that period and was happy to meet Marija in New York once.
Meeting dear Angelo and Marija in New York, Oct 2014
Angelo, our friend from student days in Rome, and Marija met me in a Pizzeria and teased me about my Indian accent of English (I do admit I was pronouncing some words with Indian accent because I was mainly surrounded with people from India). We hugged and laughed to no end.
Lights of the big city – Mila and I enjoying the company of Marija in New York, Oct 2014
Marija’s style of communication was uniquely transmissible through her written communication as well. Here is one example of messages filled with love that I was getting from Marija via online chat:
“Woooooooow, how sweeeeeeet all of you are. And my sweet little Milkaaaaaaaa Milkarevich – she is absolutely BEA–U–TI – FUL. Singing a birthday song to her Papa Paparevich.”
Next time we met was at Marija’s home in Mostanica, Serbia in 2015. I came with my parents and daughter Mila, with whom Marija played a lot, talking with her like with an adult. They were plucking strawberries from Govedarica family’s garden, laughed and played, and overall we enjoyed our time together so, so much.
Marija, Mila and the joy of the home-grown, super organic strawberries :-), Mostanica 2015
Bidding farewell to Marija
I remember how shocked I was to learn that Marija got diagnosed with ovary cancer. Initially I just couldn’t believe it – the news simply wouldn’t ‘digest’ within me. Then we went on discussing various treatment options. With time I understood her frustration of receiving so many advices but not knowing how it feels when one actually has a fast progressing cancer, demanding urgent action. Even though we never thought Marija would resort to chemotherapy, she said she had to. She was too scared at that point. I felt I had no right to advise her.
I was travelling with Mohanji to US in April 2016 for his programs in America and felt so happy I could squeeze a trip to New York into the already packed schedule.
With my brave Marija, New York, 2016
Mila travelled with us so two of us went to Marija’s apartment in New York to visit her and her Mom Nada who was by her side all along, helping her in all possible ways like only Moms could. Marija was working on laptop, doing her office work from home whenever she could concentrate.
Marija playing with princess Rapunzel Mila 🙂
I admired her determination to continue working even while in the midst of chemotherapy treatment. Mila was dressed as a princess Rapunzel and wanted to play with Marija. She showered Mila with love and attention, never even giving her a hint that she was not well.
Her stomach was filled with water and she was feeling weak but she smiled a lot and showed so much of strength. I was sure she was going to make it. I had a flue that day and could not do Mai-Tri energy healing for her. I felt sad about it as I really wanted to share that energy with her, but I guess it was not meant to be…
Last time I got a message from Marija was on 11 May. She said the latest immunotherapy was working well and that the last scan showed the cancer is withdrawing. She was using several other holistic remedies and said most likely the joint effect of all that was good. We were on Hvar island in Croatia at that time. Mohanji was conducting a retreat. I sent Marija a video in which Mila imitates her style of talking, uttering another famous word of Marija’s: “Chuuuuupitza”. Mila pronounced it exactly the way Marija does and that made her so happy! We laughed about it endlessly. She then said: “Lucky you. Enjoy the sea and fresh air, enjoy for me as well. I am with you in my meditations and prayers.”
Marija in her apartment in New York, supported by her beloved Mom Nada during the challenging days of chemotherapy
I never thought those would be her last words to me.
I sent her several messages in June but never got a reply. And then, one day I got a message from Angelo via messenger: “Did you hear about Marija?” I immediately felt my heart rate increasing and wished he would say that what I felt he is about to say is not true. But he didn’t. Then aunty Nada answered the phone and confirmed it to me as well. We cried together and I simply had to allow myself some time to stay in silence and not run away from the pain.
Two days later, while conducting our regular meditation in Novi Sad, I asked all present to send blessings to the soul of Marija who left her body. The word “death” never resonated with me because I know through my own experience there is no end on the soul’s journey. I knew that leaving the body doesn’t mean that anything real ended, only physical existence in the current scenario did. At some point during that meditation, I spontaneously started sending energy to Marija, as if doing distant healing. I visualized her face and her body and started sending energy, which was literally gushing through my palms. And then it happened – she appeared in my inner vision in the form of light and spoke to me in her typical teasing way: “Biljka, silly, I no longer have a body. Why are you visualizing me like that?” And then she beamed intense sparkling golden energy into my being, flooding me with immense joy. This experience removed all the sadness from my heart. I was ecstatic!
Marija’s smile on the photo, the beautiful white coffin with golden edges, the flowers and the most serene graveyard in the nature – Peace…
At Marija’s funeral, when her Mom Nada asked me to speak about Marija, I agreed simply because I felt I was now empowered to lift myself above the tears and sadness and speak about the beauty of Marija. Frankly, I don’t remember what I said at that time, it all just flowed through me, but I was happy I could do it for I know Marija would have teased me: “Well of course, who will speak if not my dear Biljka”, always encouraging my “Moon in Leo” expressions and the highest possible version of me.
Not a day passes that I don’t remember Marija. In my prayers before eating food, in various moments of life, Marija is with me. Through the scholarship at John Cabot University and love in our hearts, Marija lives forever.
In the month of June 2018 I visited our John Cabot University and our beloved Trastevere for the first time since 2003 when we graduated.
I had tears in my eyes when I entered and saw our group photo with Marija on it. I would give anything to be able to invite her for a cup of Cappuccino in Trastevere and share with her all the latest news and experiences on my soul’s journey.
JCU generation 2013 – at JCU…
Nobody could ever share my joys and pains like my true friend Marija… I walked around the University reminded of so many beautiful experiences with her and soaked all that in through silence and tears…
Destiny so willed it that I came to Italy 15 years later for an amazing event called Peace Pledge, celebrating unity in diversity, the essence of all religions and spiritual teachings – Love and Compassion as the foundation of Peace.
With my husband and Spiritual Master – Mohanji, at the Peace Pledge event in Assisi, 29 June 2018
15 years ago I would have never thought I would be here again with my husband from India and dear friends from various countries, that too for a cause of Peace. A true miracle of life… I regret not meeting any of my friends and former professors as it was weekend. But most of all, I missed my dear Marija a lot…
I love you my dearest shesha – you live in my heart, now and always, into Eternity.
On the day when we celebrate the very Guru principle, the Divine aspect of us that sheds purest light into the darkness of ignorance based on ego identity, I would like to share with you some moments when I experienced the Grace beyond mind’s imaginative capabilities, the Grace that transforms lives.
Engulfed by the light – during a Shirdi Sai Arati in Oman, 2010
We had a beautiful Gurupurnima celebration at the Datta Tapovan centre/yoga studio at my home in Novi Sad, Serbia today evening. 27 July 2018 Gurupurnima was also marked by lunar eclipse, a powerful initiation into the next gear in which our beautiful planet is birthing a new reality.
I felt incredibly happy to share the blessing of Shirdi Sai Baba’s Arati with my dear friends from Serbia today evening. I explained how we used to perform Shirdi Sai Arati every weekend before the Power of Purity meditation during five years that Mohanji and I spent in Muscat, Oman (2009 – 2014).
This is one of my favorite photos ever – an image taken during Shirdi Sai Arati in early 2011 when I was melting within feeling Baba’s mighty presence. I was pregnant with Mila at that time and kept surrendering all the challenges of pregnancy to him. And indeed I was protected…
I had tears in my eyes when I watched a beautiful soul called Jelena from Serbia performing the same Arati today evening with baby in her womb soon to join us. It brought back the memories straight away…
I love this Arati with all my heart and that special, indescribable immense energy of Shirdi Sai Baba which totally expands me whenever I listen to it. I’ve always had special love towards Shirdi Sai Baba, especially after 2007 when I met Mohanji and started exploring within ever more intensely. Even though I come from Christian background, when I found myself in those “to be or not to be” moments of life when everything was at stake, it was Shirdi Sai Baba who came to my rescue and to whom I spontaneously prayed. There is no point in entertaining the mind and asking why not Jesus etc. It just is so…
Be it the moment of miscarriage, when Mila was saved with a small packet of Shirdi Sai vibhuti (sacred ash), or the tragic moment when Mila fell from a wall of 4,5m height onto a marble floor and I thought I lost her forever, or the time when people connected with dark energies played their games and brought me to the edge of leaving Mohanji and this beautiful spiritual path – in all these moments it was Shirdi Sai who showered his Grace upon me in most unexpected ways, changing everything for better. I wrote about these experiences in my previous blogs.
Early morning food seva in Shirdi in 2015 – the moment of Grace and Sai’s intervention
One of the first big miracles of Shirdi Sai that I experienced was a telepathic transfer of the Power of Purity meditation from him to Mohanji way back, in late 2007. I was blessed to be present in our little apartment in Rashidia near Dubai airport when this transmission took place. Mohanji started typing something with unusual fervor and speed. It looked like blind typing, even though he used only his forefingers. More than the speed of typing, it was the energy that pervaded the room. It made me almost breathless and so incredibly calm. After this super-fast typing was done, both of us leaned forward and started reading what just ‘arrived’. It was a meditation, with detailed instructions that included the number of candles to be lit in the room before mediation is conducted, the kind of background music that is to be used, how one should sit during meditation, etc. And when Mohanji wondered how on earth to bring people for this meditation, he soon received a message “Just be available. Relax and know that people who come for this meditation are brought by us (the Masters of the Golden Tradition).” All the elements necessary for this mediation to happen simply flowed.
Mohanji in 2007, a contemplative moment 🙂
How the background music happened was really superb. I went to India for an initiation into a healing modality and as soon as landed back to Dubai Mohanji asked me to go to a hospital and see if I could help one of his friends whose baby Tara got prematurely born and was facing serious health problems. Upon arrival to the hospital I found the parents in tears and came to know that Tara had severe cough due to which she couldn’t sleep for the last 3 days. The moment she would lie down, the cough would start. This exhausted her completely and turned into a crisis. I placed my palms on her chest and head and immediately felt an immense pull of energy that can’t be described by no other words but Divine intervention. I felt enveloped by Divine energy which flowed in the form of most loving warmth that was gushing through my palms. After the energy transmission was over, I put baby Tara down on the bed, she slept right away like an angel and her parents cried. We hugged and rejoiced.. While chatting with them I came to know that Tara’s father composed music and was well versed with background music tones. I shared with him our requirement for The Power of Purity meditation and he immediately offered to create it for us. A British man in whose Dubai studio Mohanji used to conduct Podcast shows called “Mohan’s World” offered his studio for recording. We went there and Mohanji recorded the meditation in one go, without any rehearsal. The same happened when I recorded the POP meditation in Serbian. The perfect flow…
In Shama’s house in Shirdi – past-life connections…
The next challenge was to find the venue for meditation. Mohanji was hesitant to start conducting any meditation. He preferred to keep his spiritual experiences and insights to himself. However, he agreed with me that this arrived for the benefit of all and needs to be shared. I told him that I have no problem to look for the venue for the meditation and invite some friends. A couple of days later, a dozen of us met in the apartment of one friend in Dubai to experience this meditation. We were blown away by its intensity and beyond the body/mind limitation experience of sheer Grace. No technique or seminar can teach us such meditations. They arrive from the purest energy of the Source, with purest Grace interwoven into the words. This Grace can’t be measured, defined or bought by money. It is simply given. And we were happy to share it with purest intention, unconditionally/free of cost. It continued to grow on its own as people came forward to volunteer to translate it to different languages. This meditation continues to spread and do its ‘magic’ till date (www.mohanji.org/power-of-purity/)
The third eye that gave us so much…
If one reads the words of this meditation they are beyond beautiful, full of subtle but powerful affirmations about our Divine essence. Yet, it is important to point out that the effect of the meditation is way beyond the words or any feel-good effect of affirmations. It is literally programmed to create a field of energy that invites a downpour of Grace, and people with expanded hearts who practice the mediation invite the Masters to come in their subtle form and bless them.
Performing Arati to Mohanji at the end of Kriya initiation in Sedona, USA in 2017
Soon after Mohanji recorded the Power of Purity mediation we went to Kerala, India to offer the meditation CD at the feet of Shirdi Sai Baba at a temple. Swami from that temple, with whom Mohanji was close at that time, did not have any meditations and started enquiring about POP. As he was not fluent in English, he requested Mohanji to help him out and script and record a short mediation for him. Mohanji agreed straight away, went to his Pooja room and wrote it down. He named it Heart of Love. I noticed that some words and phrases were similar to that of Power of Purity, but I must admit that the special mighty effect of the Power of Purity meditation was simply not there. That’s when I understood that the special ‘ingredient’ of Power of Purity meditation simply can’t be replicated.
In the end, even a film crew came and they recorded a video for this meditation as well in which Mohanji and this Swami, plus a couple of us who happened to be there, did a bit of acting as well. A couple of months later I was approached by a Film Producer who asked me to act as a heroine in her movie Foreignchi Patlin. This was yet another ‘leela’ of Shirdi Sai, which he confirmed to me in several ways.
Movie fans of Foreignchi Patlin performing a welcome Arati to me – surreal…
Less than a year later, Mohanji received another meditation from Baba, which he called 360 degrees meditation. Baba told Mohanji telepathically that this meditation is only for the serious spiritual practitioners. It has long gaps during which mind fights for its supremacy and the meditator often struggles. Painful impressions from the subconscious mind (samskaras) start getting removed and sometimes actual physical pain, foal smell, etc. come and go as samskaras are leaving the system. Since then many other blessings reached us through Mohanji’s consciousness. It is late at night and end my Gurupurnima sharing here.
On this special day, I bow to all the ascended Masters, the true holders of the beacon of light of Guru principle, especially Shirdi Sai Baba who brought Mohanji into my life..
Mohanji and Devi during Gurupurnima celebration in London in 2015
Yogiraj Parabrahma Sri Satguru Sai Nath Maharaj Ki Jai!
Everyone has their ‘Sedona story’, I was told. Sedona, the magical location is a magnet for souls who aim to transcend all illusion and attain Oneness with Divine. It has been recognized as a special, high-energy place by Native Americans since ages.
Devi smelling the flowers, Boynton Canyon, Sedona Vortexes
During the unforgettable 10 days that Mohanji and I spent in the high vibration of Sedona vortexes among the amazing Sedona people (as well as the beautiful souls we met at the Sedona Yoga Festival 10 – 12 March 2017 and during Mohanji’s Retreat in Sedona 14-17 March), so many intense inner experiences took place that I felt the inner pull to honor them through this experience sharing. I hope my words will convey the intensity and beauty of these experiences. I offer all these words to the consciousness that brought us to Sedona.
Sedona rocks and their vibrations
Wherever one looks in Sedona, there is beauty, serenity, and love. This is a real “spiritual folks’ paradise.” I have never seen these many shops with signs “Psychic”, “Healer”, “Aura scanning”, “Crystals”, “Restorative Massage”, “Yoga”, etc. at one place ever! However, this is not just fashion – the people of Sedona have depth and maturity and are 100% sincere in their pursuit of self-realization. This was a wonderful reminder that one should never entertain stereotyping of people. My mind certainly would not have expected this kind of a spiritual experience in America.
The people I met in Sedona told me that those who don’t have pure intentions are somehow filtered out and don’t stay in Sedona. Similarly, people with pure hearts whose aim is liberation are simply drawn to this place. It soon became very clear why Native Americans revered the red rocks of Sedona as holy. The very energy of Sedona is such that it simply feels like home. No need to prove anything to anyone, no need to justify anything, just being 100% natural – and feeling great, really great. This indeed is Yoga and there is no better place I’ve seen thus far (aside from the Himalayas) for the practice of Yoga.
Sedona Yoga Festival was thus destined to be superb. It’s a really amazing platform for Yoga and experiential spirituality. So many wonderful souls gathered there. An overwhelming array of high-quality sessions and workshops that included Yoga, meditation, breath-work, crystals, kirtans and bhajans, gong baths, various forms of alternative healing, etc. I hereby extend my deepest gratitude to Heather and Mark Titus and the entire SYF team who brought this big event to life and inevitably worked day and night to make it happen.
It was especially wonderful to experience the exchange of energy between Mohanji and such an amazing audience. He was a true mirror of their maturity and beauty. It was magical and deeply touching.
Satsang in Sedona – Mohanji and the wonderful Sedona audience
I conducted three Yoga sessions at the Sedona Yoga Festival, representing Himalayan School of Traditional Yoga. My first session was indoors with approx. 20 people. I came a bit early and thus had time to interact with those who came early as well. I was amazed to see that most of them practiced Yoga for more than 15 years, travelled to India, have been practicing Kriya for years, and/or are Yoga Instructors themselves. I totally did not expect that. However, none of them showed any airs about any of it – they were as humble and receptive as they could be and their maturity created truly amazing group energy. This trend continued throughout Sedona Yoga Festival. I thanked them on this experience and felt truly honored to be in a position to be the instrument of Yoga teaching to such wonderful people.
1st HSTY session, Initial pranayama
Right after my first Yoga session I attended a beautiful Yoga session led by Tao-Porchon Lynch, a true inspiration to all Yogis, Yoginis and/or Yoga Instructors out there – although 98 years old, she is superb in her Yoga practice, full of life, love and enthusiasm. She really touched my heart and I so enjoyed her radiant presence.
Devi Mohan and Tao Porchon-Lynch at SYF
Second Yoga session was outdoors, on a beautiful terrace with a view of the stunning red rocks of Sedona. It was at 6am, just before sunrise. There is a big difference between day and night time temperatures in Sedona. It was thus quite cold before the Sun came out so we had to intensify our Yoga practice in order to keep warm. Exactly during sunrise the time for Sun Salutations (Surya Namaskar) came.
Sun Salutations in Sedona at sunrise
In all my Yoga practice this was the first time that I really felt it – immense heart-melting gratitude and expansion while flowing with the Sun Salutations and chanting the mantras saluting the Sun, giver of life, friend of all, the one who illumines our lives… It was heavenly.
Morning sun and rays of light on Devi and HSTY banner
The following day, my third session was at the same terrace but at 10am. It was just perfect – not too cold and not too hot. It was a day of full moon and boy did we feel the magic – the full moon, Sedona vortexes, Grace of ancient Yoga practice, plus amazing group energy!
Wonderful group energy
During that Yoga session the accent was on heart chakra and all of us melted into the beauty of this experience. All breathed as one and went deep into each asana, and then deep within during Yoga Nidra.
I always give great value to Yoga Nidra experience in the end. I must say that this was one of the most amazing Yoga Nidra experiences I have ever had. My consciousness expanded and I could feel all those who were present within me. It felt as if we entered a bubble of bliss – no other sound existed, only the intense vibration and sublime beauty of the experience. There were some other workshops happening outdoor at the same time, but we could not hear any of it (this was confirmed to me later on by several other people present at the Yoga session who came forward to express gratitude). Divine energy of the vortexes engulfed us. It felt like Mother’s embrace, so loving, so gentle… I chanted several ancient mantras in Sanskrit language in the end and could feel them more intensely than ever before. After the session was over, I thanked the beautiful souls present and cried for no reason. All of us were deeply touched by this experience of oneness and love.
Devi leading group into Yoga Nidra – bliss
This was a beginning of an unforgettable day.
Mohanji’s Satsang in one of the big halls indoors was next on our schedule. Mark Whitwell, a distinguished teacher of ‘Heart of Yoga’, one of the best contemporary Yoga instructors from the tradition of Krishnamacharya (1988 – 1989). Mark conducted his session in the hall just before Mohanji and it was wonderful to meet him. It didn’t feel like this was the first time we meet. I kept feeling great joy within…
With Mark Whitwell
Day continued in bliss. After years of experience of Mohanji’s Satsangs and Shaktipat, in my experience this was the most intense of them all. Engulfed in the beautiful energy of the vortexes and full moon, in company of audience of great maturity which we’ve not seen in the West thus far, Mohanji delivered a stunning talk and none felt like ending it. And then the time for Shaktipat came. Mohanji said people should stand while receiving Shaktipat and that I should stand right behind them in case some of them start falling backwards. We already experienced this once before so Mohanji wanted to ensure all are safe. Ganesh joined me in this task since Mohanji was giving Shaktipat to two people at the same time.
Shaktipat on 3rd day
The moment Shaktipat started I could feel an overwhelming heat in my body. I did not feel it this intensely since my Shaktipat initiation in 2008. Probably due to the Mai-Tri Healing practice, while holding my hand behind the Shaktipat recipients, it spontaneously happened that energy started flowing from my palm to Shaktipat recipients’ Anahata chakra. I just went with the experience thinking this could only help their Shaktipat experience. Little did I know how much this would hit me! While connecting with Mohanji in this way I guess I got sucked into the entire process of Shaktipat to the point that intensity of the energy gushing through my spine and palms was becoming overwhelming. I could feel each person and some of them were so empty of ego and so receptive that they simply jumped into the ocean of consciousness called Mohanji. This was such a grand experience/scene to behold! One lady had an entity in her. She made wave-like movements with her spine, the spirit/entity said something in a language that resembled Native American, and within a couple of seconds the entity was out, gone upward into the White Light. She was in tears and thanked Mohanji wholeheartedly. Many amazing experiences, one after another – and the gratitude people expressed was so deep, so pure and sincere… One lady cried and said she doesn’t feel like leaving because her soul has recognized the Source. There was another lady who has always been blessed with telepathic communion with ascended Masters and usually never goes to any living Master and never receives Shaktipat. She said that she was guided by her Master to come for Mohanji’s Satsang and Shaktipat and to attend all his programs. We were blessed to have her with us.
Nirmal Yogi in gratitude after Shaktipat
Natesh and I were last to receive Shaktipat from Mohanji. It was an unforgettable, overwhelming experience and we cried like babies… After Shaktipat was over the intense energy within me just wouldn’t subside. I could feel continuous tremor within. My hands were not shaking when I looked at them but it felt like the entire body was continuously shaking and vibrating from within. I didn’t know what to do with all this energy and could clearly imagine how one could go mad from it. I remembered a story that Mohanji often recounts when a man in Shirdi asked Baba to give him enlightenment. Baba warned him that he won’t be able to withstand the energy, but he insisted. He then gave it to him and the man started running around like a mad man, creating a big fuss. After many complaints from other people, Baba gave him another Shaktipat and took it back. The man became normal again. This time I got a clear picture how that man would have felt as I was not far from the edge at which one would just go mad. We went for lunch afterwards and food helped me ground somewhat, but the heightened energy experience went on for another day or so, with frequent Kundalini movement. With Mohanji around I knew I was safe, but the experience was nevertheless overwhelming. As a friend of mine always says, just be in the child-like wonder and say “What else is possible” – there are no limits.
Jantara and Devi, vortexes
‘Being with Mohanji’ Retreat started the next day. It was a beautiful, intimate Retreat with special people drawn to this event from various locations – unique, mature people who felt the call within and treasured every moment with Mohanji. Most of them are highly evolved souls which one doesn’t get to meet that often.
Sedona Retreat, group photo
It was a great privilege to experience this Retreat with them, to conduct morning Himalayan School of Traditional Yoga session for them and to do Mai-Tri Healing to some of them, as much as the time permitted. What I witnessed intuitively while performing Mai-Tri healing to some of them touched me even more deeply. These are intimate matters of people which cannot be shared, but I have to say that I could experience their Divinity, profound journeys of their ancient souls and was so touched by their humility. One beautiful soul called Thea gifted me her book. I read it during my journey back to Serbia and was overwhelmed by the depth of wisdom and Divine experiences that she was blessed with thus far. I learned a lot from her book and profound experiences that she shared.
Mohanji and Thea, into the Light
Visits to the vortexes made this Retreat even more special. Each vortex had a different note of Divine to it, but they were all so, so beautiful. I was especially moved by our first visit to an energy vortex not known by many people. This happened on the second day of our stay in Sedona, just before Sedona Yoga Festival. A beautiful soul called Mathews, who studied the vortexes of Sedona for over 20 years, guided us there. A wonderful healer Suzy joined us as well, along with our amazing hosts Monnie and Natesh who worked tirelessly, like an army of 10, to bring us to Sedona and make all this happen.
Monnie, Suzy, Mohanji, Mathews and Devi at the vortexes
When we reached the location I sat down for meditation at a place that overlooks a mountain over which, as many people from Sedona have witnessed, space ships (UFOs) tend to fly the most. There was just something special about this place.
A special power spot
With my eyes closed I kept seeing a golden and pearl-like shimmer, as if it was there to give me the glimpse of higher realms. A bit later I noticed that most of the stones and rocks in this area had this special shimmer! I was simply overwhelmed by this and could remember the golden shimmer I saw on Mohanji’s face and skin back in 2007 when Mahavatar Babaji/Mahatapa entered his body.
Kachina woman in her gown
The energy we felt there kept expanding our hearts and we kept bathing in it. Mohanji pointed at one spot at which energy of gratitude was especially high. Suzy and I stood there and couldn’t hold back the tears. It was out of this world… Mathews then suggested that we sit in a circle, hold hands, and tune in to higher consciousness. What happened then was beyond words, so special, so sacred. Mathews suddenly channeled a higher being with a deeper voice, who spoke a language none of us could understand. It could be Native American. We had no idea what he was saying but could feel the tone of gratitude and felt immensely blessed. Soon after, Suzy went into trance and suddenly said the following words in a different, soothing female voice: “The spirit of Sedona welcomes you.” I got goosebumps all over. It was such a grand moment. She told us later on that this is the actual spirit of Sedona, the spirit of these sacred ancient vortexes, and that it’s called Kachina woman. Suzy said that in all these years she never channeled the Spirit of Sedona. It was a grand, historical moment that this happened and it was clear that Mohanji was called to come here. One of the rocks, which we could see from the Boynton Canyon, resembles a gracious face of a woman with hair which looks like wind keeps blowing into it.
They call this rock “Kachina woman”, the spirit of Sedona. My friend Jantara shared this interesting blog with me about Hopi legend of Kachina woman.
The glossy rocks on the ground
We were told that Boynton Canyon is the location where Hopi elders came first and where they interacted with the “Star People”. Higher civilizations were obviously present here since ages and there’s hardly anyone in Sedona who has not had a direct experience of extraterrestrials. This is how Native Americans describe the experience (more about the Hopis, Kachina, etc. can be found here
“The Kachinas, or Gods, were beings of a great might and power to the Native Americans. They were known to come down to Earth and help the native Americans tend their fields brining wisdom about agriculture, law and government. They physically interacted with the people themselves. There are drawings of them on cave walls.”
“Native Americans followed the movements of the celestial markers – much as we do today. They called it Star Knowledge. Beyond the land where they lived, was the sky, and that beyond were dimensional portals or sky holes. Beyond that was an area that they called the Ocean of Pitch, where the beauty of the night sky and the galaxies spun out towards them. Beyond that were the boundaries of the universe. And that set along the rim at the boundaries of the universe were 4 different extraterrestrial groups.
Native American story teller tribe stars
The Hopi called the Pleiadians the Chuhukon, meaning those who cling together. They considered themselves direct descendants of the Pleiadians. The Navajos named the Pleiades the Sparkling Suns or the Delyahey, the home of the Black God. The Iroquois pray to them for happiness. The Cree came to have come to earth from the stars in spirit form first and then became flesh and blood.
Early Dakota stories speak of the Tiyami home of the ancestors as being the Pleiades. Astronomy tells us that the Pleiades rise with the sun in May and that when you die your spirit returns south to the seven sisters.
They believe that Mythic Mountain is actually the home of the Kachinas. This mountain top is a sacred one. Being the home of the Kachina spirits it is the place where all of the large mythic beings they honor in their rituals land. “We come as clouds to bless the Hopi people” is a quote passed from generation to generation.” (source)
Healing Wolf – picture from her home at the sanctuary
During the Retreat we also visited the Wolf Sanctuary near Sedona. An amazing lady called Healing Wolf who runs this sanctuary shared profound stories with us (videos and photos from this visit were uploaded on Mohanji Official Facebook page. Here is one of those videos).
It was wonderful to expand my horizons and learn all this about the Native Americans and the highly evolved extraterrestrials – somehow it all felt familiar…
Mohanji and Healing Wolf
On my way to the airport, a lovely soul called Trish told me how many people experienced massive space ships (size of a football field or bigger) with beautiful lights. They were completely silent, i.e. there was no engine sound of any type. People have seen space ships of various sizes – triangular, circular, cylinder-shaped, etc. The pure energy of the vortexes attracts them. There are guides offering UFO sighting tours in Sedona on daily basis. It is no surprise to anyone in Sedona that UFOs can be seen even with naked eyes (but most definitely using military night-vision goggles) every night. We went for one such sighting with a lady whom we met in Starbucks. Her name is Melinda Leslie. It was fun! One gets used to this kind of stories in Sedona very fast and simply falls in love with all that happens here.
The last venue Trish and I visited was New Age Centre in Sedona. When we started our journey to the airport she mentioned that she went to an old Psychic there, who was the very first Psychic in Sedona. His name is Victor. He gave her an amazing reading and she felt so honored to meet him. Soon after we went there, looking through many interesting items one can purchase as gifts, Victor appeared. Trish was just overwhelmed. I felt immense love and my hands just went to him and kept caressing his heart. I could feel the flow of energy through my palms towards his heart chakra and was overwhelmed by love. He immediately said “Oh, a healer” and kept smiling. We had to leave and had no time to talk, but heart spoke all that it had to say. We were blissed out like children.
Even a smiley is an alien in Sedona
On our way to the airport, while happily sharing experiences and insights, we suddenly had an uneasy feeling. Both of us felt like not talking about it but we felt it. Only after check-in at the airport, Trish shared with me that she was sure we were going to have a car accident. She fought those thoughts and kept calling upon Mohanji. I felt it as well and that was the time I suddenly felt a very strong urge to go to toilet. Trish went off the highway in order to find a place with decent toilet. Soon we got back onto the highway and noticed an unusual congestion in traffic – it was due to a car accident that happened… While passing by the crashed vehicles for a moment I felt that time had stopped.. We were just overwhelmed with gratitude that we sailed through all this so smoothly and proceeded towards the Phoenix airport. Amazing experiences till the very last moment – that’s Sedona. 🙂
Trish shared with me that she had a deep feeling that a powerful seed was sown during our Retreat with Mohanji.
Medicine wheel at the Wold Sanctuary – a powerful seed was sown
We are yet to see the results of the amazing energy that we generated during this program. All of us were tuned in and got transformed by this experience. She shared with me that scientists have proven that a caterpillar and butterfly have completely different DNA even though butterfly is nothing but a caterpillar that came out of its cocoon. This is so inspiring and I truly believe Yoga and all practices that support spiritual awakening truly do change our DNA.
I leave you with this thought. 🙂
All that remains is eternal gratitude and surrender…
Silence Lungs meditation in the end
With love,
Devi Mohan
Devi like Alice in Wonderland among the vortexes of Sedona, in front of the rock called Kachina woman
The next morning was like a horror movie. We woke up around 5am to the prison-like sounds of loud whistling and rough male voices shouting ‘Get up, get up!’. For a moment I thought I had regressed into some nightmarish WW2 holocaust scenario. It was cold and wet outside, mud, noise, crowd and chaos everywhere. With trembling hands and wobbly legs, gasping for breath, I somehow forced myself to go down the stairs and answer the call of nature (wherever I could find the right spot for it), and then brush my teeth using the last remnants of warm water that our sherpas (Nepalase caretakers who were assisting us most lovingly throughout the yatra) provided us with.
With our amazing sherpas – photo taken at the end of the yatra
It was then that I heard the beautiful sound of arati to Shiva – I looked up towards the balcony and saw Mohanji, Panditji and several yatris looking at Kailash and doing the arati with incense sticks. At that moment, I looked at the glorious Kailash before me, while my ego was drowning in the pool of helplessness, taking all the doership and trash with it. I started crying profusely, praying to Kailash/Shiva/Mohanji from the bottom of my heart to take me out of this misery, to allow me to break the walls of illusion, to melt in surrender. I cried and cried, allowing myself to go through the experience. I noticed that all the sherpas around me were pretty much staring at me, but couldn’t care less (now that I think about it, that must have been quite a pathetic site – a white girl with a toothbrush in her hand, smudged make-up and cap with ears and face of a goat, crying like a baby and staring at Kailash! :-)) There was no shame. How could one not stand naked before Shiva – there is no other way. We emerged from that consciousness naked and we can dissolve back into it only if naked, only after dropping all our masks. As Mohanji said, “Kailash is Shiva, the state that you are coming from, but forgot as you lived. Be Shiva and you will merge with Kailash spontaneously. Shiva and Kailash are ONE.” This was the moment when I truly felt the surrender… – the subtle inner wall was broken.
Up the Dolma Pass
By the time I composed myself, gulped some breakfast, chose the right clothes and packed my back pack, most of the other yatris had already started the trek. I hurried in order to catch up with them and tried walking, but after 10 meters or so understood it wouldn’t be happening. I sat on the pony and kept quiet – whether I did the yatra by foot or on pony, it didn’t really matter. What was far more important was that even though weak physically, I now started to feel connected spiritually – mantras and prayers deep from the heart kept flowing. I spent the entire ride on the pony towards and up the steep Dolma Pass in a meditative state. At one point I totally lost the concept of time and can’t even recollect certain parts of the journey. I just remember that I felt immense love and gratitude towards the pony that carried my weight up the Dolma La and kept caressing him. At one point, the image of surreal emerald-like Gauri Kund, the lake that, as the legend says, Lord Shiva created for Goddess Parvati to bathe in, appeared in my inner vision. Immense desire to go to Gauri Kund suddenly filled my heart. I knew that, no matter what, I just had to go there! The pull was very strong.
Touched by Divine – the purity of Gauri Kund
Once we reached the top of the hill, I got off the pony and soon came across Mohanji. My joy knew no bounds upon seeing the familiar glossy eyes full of love, the eyes that my soul had connected with through lifetimes. Deep gratitude overwhelmed me. I knew he was watching on me, on all of us, and that the inner transformation was all due to his Grace. When I told him that I would like to go to Gauri Kund, his smile and gentle nod was all the confirmation I needed. I walked a bit further until my eyes could finally behold the majestic Gauri Kund, also known as the Lake of Compassion, in its full glory – it was even more beautiful than what I had seen on the photos!
I then noticed the big sharp stones and steep decline that led to the lake. Mohanji explained just how ‘strategically’ Gauri Kund was located – right after the extremely tough to climb Dolma Pass, when most could not even think of another climb. He also said that most of the time Gauri Kund is covered with clouds to hide it from the undeserving seekers and that the stones around the lake are often wet and slippery to further deter unwanted visitors. Indeed, had there been even a drizzle, wet and slippery stones would have been too big of an obstacle. But that day the sun was shining and I felt the path to Gauri Kund was open. In my heart, I felt I was invited… I decided to wait for Sumit for I knew that he said earlier he would like to go to Gauri Kund. I walked for only a couple of meters and already felt breathless. For a moment a hint of fear came that I wouldn’t be able to do it, but it wasn’t even nearly as strong as my desire to go. At that moment I made up my mind that I would go to Gauri Kund even if I died there – and I meant it!
Sumit and Hein arrived soon, bowed to Mohanji and off we went down the steep path across the many stones towards sublime Gauri Kund. Rajesh from UK joined us as well, along with one of the sherpas. Great excitement overwhelmed me and my legs surprised me with their sudden speed and strength – it was as if they walked on their own.
When we reached the lake, I was surprised to see Panditji already seated there silently and comfortably, with all the pooja paraphernalia, Mohanji’s eye card, trishul and Shiva linga, all lovingly laid out in front of the majestic Gauri Kund. That site brought great joy to my heart.
The moment when I touched and tasted the water of Gauri Kund will remain forever etched in my mind and heart. It was like a long awaited flower that finally bloomed from my energy blueprint. I have never felt such a sensation – this water carried the secret codes far beyond this plane of existence. Its purity was indescribable, its sparkle divine, its taste sublime – the purest mountain spring would bow to it in awe. While washing my face with this water and placing some of it on my crown chakra and third eye, I felt nothing but pure bliss as I witnessed the thirst for intense purification, thirst that was beyond this lifetime, now being quenched…
I looked up and on the mountain that was facing Gauri Kund I suddenly saw many faces of sages, mainly with long beards and expressions of profound depth. More than seeing, it was the inner sensation of utmost sanctity and purity that overwhelmed me. This lake and this moment in time did not feel like anything on planet Earth…
More than the beauty of nature, it was the vibration of purity of Goddess Parvati that created a deep ‘click’ within me – this is the aspect of Divine that resonates most deeply with my being. She performed unimaginable penance in order to reach Lord Shiva – hunger, heat, cold, nothing could deter her. Out of her pure heart and deep compassion she pleaded him to share his wisdom with humanity. She was humanity’s bridge to Lord Shiva, whose energy and presence was too powerful to be accessed by humanity. As our sweet Rima Yadav said during one of our conversations, “Even in our family life, when children cannot approach a strict and authoritative father, they always go through the mother.”
Shiva and Parvati – image sourced from the net
I recalled the scene from Guru Gita that I enjoyed listening on You Tube many a times till now, the grand historical moment of eternal beauty embedded in the collective subconscious of humanity, the moment when Goddess Parvati bowed to mighty Shiva and addressed him with the following words:
“Om. Salutations O God, Lord of the Lords, Higher than the Highest, Teacher of the Universe,
O Benevolent one, O Great God, initiate me into the knowledge of the Guru.
O Lord! By which path can an embodied being become one with Brahman, the Absolute Reality?
Have compassion on me, O Lord! I bow to your feet.”
And then Shiva answered, with words brimming with immense depth and Love:
O Goddess, you are My very Self.
I speak out of My love for you.
This question, which is a boon to uplift the world,
Has not been asked before by anyone.
This knowledge is difficult to obtain in all the three worlds.
Listen, I will reveal it to you.
The Absolute is not different from the Guru.
This is the Truth, this is the Truth, O Beautiful One.
The ancient scriptures, religious books, texts of ancient legends, historical accounts,
and other writings; […]
Without knowing the Guru principle, people who engage in these are fools.
The Guru is not different from the conscious Self.
This is true, this is true, there is no doubt.
Therefore, a wise one should indeed make an effort to attain the Guru. […]
He by whose light the true knowledge arises is known as ‘Guru’.
The Guru who reveals THAT […] who illuminates like the flame of the lamp,
The Guru whose feet are the visible form of the imperishable – one should meditate
on that all-pervasive, eternal Guru.”
(To listen to the ancient Guru Gita (with English subtitles), chanted with utmost devotion in the most beautiful voice of Kumuda, please click here)
While all of this was happening in my inner space, Mohanji stood at the top overlooking all of us who had descended down to the Gauri Kund.
The consciousness that leads us on the path – against all the odds…
I felt his presence and my heart melted as my mind acknowledged the miracle of everything that is happening in my life, of all the unimaginable blessings… Indeed, the blessing of a physical presence of a Guru in the life of one who yearns for Liberation is truly the greatest blessing one can be granted in a lifetime.
In the midst of my bliss and a beautiful Lingam pooja conducted by Panditji, Sumit approached me with the most loving request – with endless devotion, he held the Prasad from Vaishno Devi temple in his hands and asked me to offer it to Goddess Parvati. He really touched my heart – what a beautiful gesture and what an honor to make that offering from one aspect of Mother Divine to another. All of us present prayed together. I prayed for the purity and selflessness of Mother Divine to become so deeply established in our hearts that nothing can ever taint it… The truth of the grand words “The Power of Purity” resonated in my being. We discussed later how it is indeed no coincidence that the first meditation that Mohanji received from the higher consciousness was not called The Power of Faith/Love/Surrender etc., but exactly the Power of Purity. When purity is enthroned in our heart, in our being, that is all that is required. We just need to maintain it and not allow any trash to enter inside. Divine will do the rest…
The climb and the moment of transformation
When it was time to part from the Gauri Kund and the climb up the big stones started, I realized just how big of a challenge this was. Descending was fairly easy, but the climb was far from easy. After every couple of steps, I would have to stop and gasp for air in desperation. My breathing was long and loud, resembling that of a lung cancer patient on a deathbed. It was extremely tough to do this, but I did not mind – it was worth it. With the loving help of Hein and the sherpa, I just went through the experience – totally empty, so filled with gratitude. This was, in a way, my penance in honor of the Mother and I was happy to do it. At one moment, I could feel a sort of a drizzle. It was not rain, but hail – very small pieces of ice suddenly started falling from the sky. I remembered Mohanji who always says how auspicious it is to experience rain after doing any pooja or offering to Divine. This beautiful hail meant that Goddess Parvati accepted our offering! My heart expanded instantly. After the next pause to catch the breath, I started climbing and suddenly realized that something had changed – as if touched by a magic wand, the hypoxia was removed from my system! I couldn’t believe it – I could climb without any problem! What a miracle, what a blessing!
Sheer excitement overwhelmed me – I climbed the rest of the way with a big big smile, and then blissfully continued the rest of the yatra by foot. (It was interesting to note from Monja’s experience sharing that the same hail had the opposite effect on her and was the moment when she felt that the challenge of climbing the Dolma Pass was too much to bear – indeed, all of us had walked the same path but had totally unique experiences, as per the divine drama created by Shiva for the purpose of our cleansing and elevation).
At that moment I suddenly remembered a scene from our visit to Buddhanilkantha Temple in Nepal, with the most fascinating 5m long statue of Lord Vishnu: as we admired its beauty and observed how the expressions on the face of lying Vishnu would change depending from the angle from which one would approach/observe it, there was one more observation that really left us in awe. The statue was being reflected in the water almost 180 degrees below itself!
We tried applying our reasoning while observing this sheer miracle, but logical mind had no explanation how the face of Lord Vishnu could be reflected in the water below itself. It was only after Gauri Kund that I understood the subtle ‘Divine mirror’ message of this experience, a beautiful intro to the ‘mirror called Kailash’ experience that would follow. A physical mirror can only reflect back to us our perishable physical image – no mirror can be compared to the mirror of Divine…
After Gauri Kund, I continued the yatra with great joy and lightness.
I totally confused the man who owned the pony assigned to me. He approached me several times to ask whether I needed a pony, and I would always bow with a big smile and say ‘No thank you’. Even if he spoke English, how could I possibly tell him: “I have been kissed by Divine. No further assistance needed.” Can one ever find the right words for such experiences? Can anything come close to the experience of direct Divine intervention in one’s life? These magical moments of immense blessing go straight into the soul’s eternal treasure vault. They are reminders of the most revered inner Truth: “I am always loved for Love is what I truly Am.”
There is no greater teacher than one’s own experience. Especially when it comes to spiritual progress, theoretical knowledge is useful in satisfying the intellect, but lasting transformation cannot happen without one’s direct experience.
Experience of Kailash yatra can never be fully explained in words, but this humble attempt will hopefully be used as an inspiration for those who read about it to strive to reach “the crown chakra of Mother Earth” and achieve their own experience of the mighty Kailash one day.
The greatest blessing of our colorful group of 84 was that we could experience Kailash in the physical presence of Mohanji. When dealing with matters that are beyond the mind, only those who have mastered the mind can provide precious guidance in the right moment, the moment when transformation either happens or doesn’t.
Mohanji has prepared us mentally that journey to Kailash will be tough and a true test of our faith and surrender. He said that during Kailash yatra “Grace is more essential than oxygen.” However, mind could not quite grasp the true meaning of those words until the great teacher Experience appeared.
The experience of the first day of Yatra taught me the following: the energy of Kailash, just like the consciousness of a Master, is like a mirror – when approached with ego, expectations, concepts and doubts, it will reflect back to us just how small and fragile we are. But when we truly surrender, empty ourselves and with utmost humility allow ourselves to simply experience/feel Kailash beyond any of our existing concepts, it is then that we can behold Kailash in its grandeur and allow its energy to work on us deeply. As Mohanji said “Nobody leaves Kailash empty handed.” But the depth of the experience depends on our receptivity and eligibility…
Another crucial question is – am I ready to face the mirror?
Before proceeding with my own “mirror facing experience” during the 3 days of trekking, I can’t but mention the most sublime, most unexpected blessings received at the lake Mansarover, the grand cleanser of negativities beyond this lifetime, the lake in which celestial beings bathe every day.
The magical M – of Mansarover, Miracle, Mastery of Mind, Mohanji…
I must admit that I was dreading the experience of Mansarover. We were in Himalayas, in our winter jackets with several layers of clothing below – it’s not all that easy to believe that we can just blissfully enter the ice cold water and take 9 or more dips in it, without any consequences to our health. During the long bus ride on the way to Mansarover, my mind kept bombarding me with the fearful thoughts like “If I get the ovary inflammation due to that ice cold water, the whole yatra is gone for a toss. Is it really worth the risk?” At one point I got tired of these thoughts and decided to share the same with Mohanji. He immediately reassured me that I will be just fine. He said there is no way I could miss this opportunity of a lifetime – the cleansing at Mansarover lake is too powerful, it penetrates and removes the negativities of many lifetimes.
When we reached Mansarover, its surreal beauty, its surreal beauty left us in awe. While admiring its azure green shades and divine sparkles of sun reflection on the water I suddenly saw a strong flash coming from the clouds. It was just like somebody flashed with the photo camera a couple of meters away from my face – except that this was coming from the clouds far away. I kept looking intently through the window of our bus but could not see anything after that strong flash. I wondered what that was. A couple of minutes later, Spomenka shared with me the photos she clicked with her mobile and pointed at 2 balls of light that were visible on a dozen of photos, all in different locations (in the clouds, near the Mansarover water, near one house, etc.) I was totally amazed – this was it! The celestial beings made their presence known to us in the most unexpected way. I was getting more and more excited about our Mansarover dip!
When we reached the beach and the bus door opened, my joy was spoiled by many mosquitoes of huge size (at least 3 times bigger than the usual ones) that surrounded us all of a sudden. I kept waving with my hands in distress until one of the tour organizers said with a smile “Nothing to worry, these are vegetarian mosquitoes. They don’t bite.” I was not sure whether he was joking or not, but soon realized that they were indeed not biting us. “Vegetarian mosquitoes” – how amazing was that?! I laughed and said this must be some good karma due to being vegetarian 🙂.
The overall feel on the beach was surprisingly great. The weather was perfect (22ºC), totally sunny and pleasant, and all of us rushed to remove the clothes and enter the water. I soon came to notice that most people had their bikinis or whatever was the choice of clothing on them already, so they were ready for the dip in no time. I was yet to change my clothes and had to wait for one of the two small tents allocated for the ladies, which took time.
Kailash was at first not visible from the clouds and then, as if in Divine theater, we saw only the base of it getting revealed beneath the white clouds, with unmistakable small ‘m’ clearly written all over it.
What a beautiful welcome for Mohanji and all of us! After some time, the clouds parted and our joy knew no bounds as we beheld both, Mansarover and Kailash with our physical eyes.
I finally got to change my clothes, took a deep breath and entered Mansarover – the cold water was strangely energizing and the feeling of diving into it and then looking at Kailash between each dip was truly grand. After doing 9 dips and enjoying the view of Kailash some more, I had the desire to perform abhishek of Mohanji with Mansarover water.
I looked to my left and saw him turning towards the shore at that same moment. Since he entered the water much before me, he was just about to leave. I ran in his direction and shouted “Wait for me, wait for me!” Sumit and Spomenka also shouted “Biba is coming!” Some strange excitement overwhelmed me and my heart was beating like crazy! I briefly saw Mohanji’s eyes and understood immediately that he was in an expanded state – the expression in his almost red eyes was very Shaivic, very powerful. My heart melted as I did the abhishek and then suddenly ‘bham!’ – a totally unexpected blow which almost knocked me off. Mohanji poured water on my head but energetically it felt like a mighty slap, as if the water thundered on me high up from a mountain. I was squatting in the water and barely managed to fold my palms when ‘bham!’- another ‘hit’ came, so strong that it felt like it literally peeled a layer from my body/system. There was no time to think, pray, breathe, or even remotely try to understand what was happening. With eyes full of water and tears, I looked at Kailash in the distance, and then ‘bham!’, another hit and another layer peeled off. I cried and laughed at the same time, in total delirium, in total gratitude. The next thing I recall is Mohanji leaving the lake supported by Sumit and one more person and me exiting the water as well.
I still did not fully ‘digest’ this experience nor do I know how to name it. Baptism by Shiva? Astral operation in the lake Mansarover by the mighty surgeon Shiva? Whatever it was, I am forever grateful to Mohanji, to Shiva, for granting me the blessing I could not have even prayed for because I never knew it was possible…
After we reached our accommodation next to the lake Mansarover, I came to know that Sumit clicked a couple of photos with his mobile while I was undergoing this experience. My heart skipped a beat when I browsed through the photos and noticed Shiva’s third eye on my forehead, as if deeply engraved. I just kept looking at it, totally speechless… Om Namah Shivaaye!
Celestial beings
That night I could not fall asleep – out of sheer excitement over this experience and the overall feeling of being totally energized. A couple of us agreed that we would wake up at 3am and go to the wall that separates our accommodation from the Mansarover beach in order to see whether any of the celestial beings would come to take a bath in the lake. It was not clear whether that was 3am Chinese, Nepalese or Indian time, so in the end myself and Ami ended up going to the wall 2h before the others came. It was so beautiful and auspicious to stand there in pin drop silence. Cold wind was blowing, but we didn’t mind – the lake looked truly magical. Ami sang a Violet flame prayer most beautifully and our hearts were filled with love. In less than a couple of minutes we saw a light similar to that of a star on the sky – it just appeared in the middle of the lake, as if floating on the water. Our jaws dropped! It moved a bit to the left, then to the right, then went under the water (took a dip), then surfaced again, changed color to pinkish, then to red – it was magical, to say the least. We stood there for more than an hour and saw at least a dozen of them. As we were just about to leave, another light appeared but far brighter than the others. It was floating on the water and moving towards us. It looked like two twinkling stars on top of each other. I became breathless as I clearly felt it/them connecting energetically to my heart chakra. The sensation was incredibly beautiful. At that point two hours have already passed it and I was eager to share this experience with others who wanted to have the experience. Our little group gathered soon and we went to the wall again. At this point more people were waking up and some were using their flash lights. The sacred silence was broken and celestial beings would not come/reveal themselves. We stood there for 30 min. or so but nothing happened. Slightly disappointed, we decided to go back to our rooms. Monja and I stayed a bit longer, but since celestial beings were not to be seen we started walking towards our accommodation. As we walked, I felt the sensation on the back of the heart chakra. I turned around and there it was, the celestial being with strong almost fluorescent light shining from the middle of the lake. We stood at the same spot and looked at it in awe. I opened my heart chakra in deepest gratitude, embracing its blessings…
The next day we saw something even more amusing – Mohanji’s face (semi profile) on Mount Kailash, but this time with sunglasses and a white cap which he wore many times during the yatra.
I laughed and asked Mohanji “How come you are wearing the sunglasses?” He smiled and said: “Shiva is pulling a prank. He has a good sense of humor.” All this and our yatra did not even start! 🙂
Churning time
It is only natural that we compare ourselves to others and derive logical conclusions. When the trekking started, I recall somebody telling me “Oh, lucky you – you practice Yoga and pranayama, so yatra must be much easier for you.” I looked around and saw so many people elder to me, and/or people whose bodies conveyed sedentary lifestyle, and in view of many years of Yoga practice plus my preparation in the gym, my mind accepted this comment as true. Oh, the subtle traps of ego. Little did I know how soon these concepts and logical conclusions would be shattered to pieces in the mighty Shaivic energies of Kailash…
I started the 3 days of trekking (the actual Kailash yatra) in the height of restlessness. I was told that morning that weather could be very cold and thus added many layers of clothing onto my body. However, by the time we were to start the trek, the sun was blazing and I starting sweating a lot while waiting for the allocation of ponies and porters to be over. I was given a piece of paper with the name of the owner of the pony and was told to make sure I don’t lose it. Before I knew it, Mohanji and the rest of our team started walking and I was still not able to identify the pony allocated to me (which I intended to use only in case I fall sick/weak and cannot continue the yatra on foot). I requested some of the Tibetan porters to read out to me the name written on this piece of paper, but none of them could read the handwriting with which it was written – I was stuck! Sumit told me not to worry –the man who owns the pony will surely search for me as this is their livelihood. I thus started walking, even though I felt quite unsettled. Under the scorching sun I soon removed my heavy jacket and tied it around my waist. Then I removed my winter scarf and tied it around my waist. The next was my black sweater – it too found its place around my waist. I felt so heavy with all this clothing hanging from my waist, plus the two walking sticks that I didn’t feel like using, water bottle, snacks – it all felt like a lot of luggage as the lack of oxygen started to make me feel increasingly weak. On top of it all, this inexplicable frustration and restlessness kept building within me – in fact, I never felt this restless in my whole life! I pretty much felt like a helpless child lost in a crowded market place. Other yatris kept passing me by, either on ponies or by foot, and I felt that I was the slowest and most miserable of them all. I could not recognize myself – I have faced far greater challenges in my life, but my inner state was never this bad. Then one of our sweet yatris Akshay came with a big umbrella and offered me most lovingly to share its blessed shade with him. That felt so great and I was very grateful. My morale was boosted a bit and soon everything seemed to be falling into place – the owner of the pony appeared and I was able to offload on him my heavy jacket and whatever else I could. That was such a relief! It was as if I had to be reminded of how important it is to “Travel light through life, drop the unnecessary luggage”.
Still, I was feeling quite breathless and clearly lacked the stamina. This took me by surprise. I was quite happy that from the beginning of the trip my body was coping with the hypoxia (high altitude sickness) so well while many of our yatris were vomiting and falling sick. Another instance of sumptuous feeding of the ego, coupled with the wrong assumption that the same trend would continue till the end of the yatra.
The straight path slowly turned into our first bigger hill. Due to hypoxia, what would have been a normal climb in the usual conditions, became a great struggle for breath after every couple of steps. I tried all breathing and concentration techniques known to me, but still could not keep the pace without stopping to catch the breath. My confidence was shattered and I felt totally miserable. After somehow climbing the first hill I had to admit to myself that I could no longer cope. With a heavy heart, I decided to use a pony. At that point, hypoxia already overwhelmed my system and the very act of climbing onto a pony made me gasp for breath. The scenery around me was stunning, but I could not enjoy any of it as all my energy was spent on maintaining the balance on the pony and ensuring I take a sip of water frequently enough to avoid dehydration that makes hypoxia even worse.
By the time we reached our destination, Derapuk camp, with the stunning view of the North Face of Kailash, I could not wait to crash into a bed.
It was freezing cold, there were no toilet facilities, mud, chaos, noise – difficult to say what was worse, my inner state or my surrounding… It was ironic – the mighty Kailash that I dreamed of seeing for years was now right before my eyes, but I could not bring myself to even utter a prayer – I was just so miserable at all levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, as disconnected as I could be from my Higher Self, Mohanji, Kailash, Divine…. I felt like finding a hole and hiding in it… When I entered the room in which Mohanji was seated with several other yatris, I witnessed with a blank expression on my face how they were overflowing with devotion, gratitude and joy, laughing and sharing beautiful experiences, massaging his feet, soaking in love – Dhriti managed to walk to the point at which one could touch Kailash and came back with a big radiant smile. Others shared their own experiences… That made me even more miserable – I had nothing, absolutely nothing to share, zero ‘bhaav’ (feeling/flavor of genuine devotion), and I would never try to fake it. I felt totally numb, disconnected and miserable.
At one point Mohanji looked me straight in the eyes and said “You are in the illusion of doership, that is why you are going through this. You think you can do the yatra relying on your physical strength and stamina, that you are the doer. When you lose the bhaav, you lose the grace – simple.” This comment crushed the last inner wall that kept me composed – I knew that what Mohanji said was absolutely true and admitted to myself that I totally lacked surrender. I could not understand how this could happen to me though. I waited and prayed for years to come to Kailash and now that I reached I felt nothing! I was agonized. To a person on a spiritual path, there is no greater pain than spiritual numbness, the feeling of being disconnected from one’s Guru/Higher Self/Divine. After Mohanji uttered those words so bluntly, I had to agree – it was not about the hypoxia, the pony that was not to be found, or any other silly reason. This was all about me and my ‘doership’, my lack of surrender, while Kailash was right in front of my face! I had a bit of a warm herbal tea and disappeared into my room eager to sleep and rest from this agonizing turmoil, hoping that somehow sleep would make it all better.
Prompted by numerous personal questions and allusions, Biba sets the record straight. She lovingly urges us to be aware and beware of the fires of judgement and gossip, of negativity and jealousy that perpetually mislead us. Instead she invites us to join her in soaring above, in taking a higher view of the purpose of marriage, of life and liberation, and to enjoy the unlimited views from Mohanji’s platform of unconditional love and service.
The most auspicious imprints of Light on our foreheads…
More than any of the wedding photos, it is this photo that I love and treasure the most. It was taken soon after Mohanji and I met in Dubai in 2007. It was only two years later that I noticed the most auspicious imprint of Light on our foreheads – AUM symbol on his and a cross on mine. What a beautiful gift from the Divine, a blessing signifying union based on Love that transcends the boundaries of religions. And this is exactly what we were brought together to serve, what lies in the heart of our spiritual mission – purity and unconditionality of love beyond all barriers, leading to liberation.
It does not take long to realize that Mohanji truly is beyond barriers, open and universal. He cannot be bound. If anyone tries to bind him, he or she will lose him forever. He is like the wind. You can never bind wind. Once he said “We are terrestrially married. But, many people are married to my consciousness. All are inseparably connected. All are one!” It is wonderful to belong to our fast-growing global family – I am its member and that gives me tremendous fulfillment. I am its least jealous member as I know that many people may be even more connected than I to Mohanji’s consciousness. It does not matter. We are all one consciousness. Nobody can own consciousness – we can only choose to ‘plug in’ or not to do so.
The mighty third eye that invites/welcomes you into the Light
Just for the record’s sake, when someone implied recently that I was supporting Mohanji financially because at present I am still working in Oman, I told them the truth. Mohanji sticks to his dharma (duty) to the whole world, including his immediate family and the larger family across the globe. Ever since Mohanji left his job in June 2012, and even before, he has not taken a single penny from me. Instead, he has always contributed in many ways, financially or otherwise, directly or through other people. He has always earned his own living. When I was low in funds and had a genuine requirement, he would take care in the minutest ways. For example, my phone got damaged recently, and without me telling him, a new and better phone arrived. He ensures our lives flow smoothly and that any real requirements are taken care of in the present. We may not have great savings and financial insurance/assurance for the future, but we have something far more valuable – a global spiritual family and true surrender to the Divine. After Mohanji left the corporate world I was not sure how he would handle finances, but now I see that Mohanji is not dependent on my or anyone else’s income – he only gives and never takes from anyone. People do give him gifts or money out of gratitude; but he never asks anyone. Even if he takes something from someone, he gives them much more than what he takes. There are numerous testimonials to support this.
Marrying Mohanji was a conscious choice that I made. He even warned me that he would not be the regular husband material expected by regular women. He said “I operate based on fulfillment. Fulfillment is essential to walk the path of liberation. Unfulfilled desires lead to binding and further births. I do whatever it takes to unhook from time, place, people and events continuously and consistently. I never allow myself to be bound nor do I bind those who come to me. I must stay liberated to lead others to liberation. In my life, there are no do’s or don’ts – whether society understands this or not, there is only liberation. Just a single pointed journey towards complete liberation. Even if there is one desire, it may bring you back to earth.”
Just a single pointed journey towards complete liberation…
Mohanji interacts with many people on daily basis – most genuinely care, but there are also some who express jealousy and ingratitude. After gaining so much from him, they turn around and criticize him. I often feel a lot of sadness when I see such people leaving with bitterness and enmity. Mohanji always remains unaffected. He has total clarity towards his mission. He keeps walking. Many people tried to topple him or slow him down. He kept moving and took care of the people who chose to walk with him on this mighty path of liberation. He never hated anyone for scandalizing him; instead he loved them and prevented angry retaliations from his people. Some would bring a bag full of expectations and when Mohanji could not fulfill all of them, they would walk away from him to another guru. He was never bothered. He never cared. Even when people talked and wrote badly about him for no apparent reason, he would be as cool as ever. If questioned, he would say“Anger is a terrible weakness. Have nothing to do with it. Be kind. Be compassionate towards those who are ignorant. They will understand one day. Just be patient.” Once when a friend of ours informed him of the bad things another spiritual guru had written about him, he said “This is his opinion. I have nothing to do with it.” It was as simple as that. His favorite lines from Shakespeare are: “The good that men do is interred with their bones while the negative stays even after their death”.
I realized the simple truth that each person is entitled to have his or her opinion about anybody or anything. But, truly, it does not matter. Life goes on. Mohanji’s determination is quite evident in his everyday life. He has conviction and determination. His aim is pure and selfless. He cares for others from the heart and has zero pretensions. People leave him, and talk badly about him to many others and then when they come back to him, after recognizing their mistake, he welcomes them back as if nothing happened. I find that so beautiful.
The contemporary Mohanji – and his watch
Some complain about Mohanji using modern gadgets, being active on social media, etc. Mohanji indeed is contemporary and he uses modern gadgets to stay in touch with people. He keeps time and also keeps in contact. He says “I am living in the present. The materials available in the present are what I can access and use. This is exactly what I am expected to do as well.” Mohanji values time a lot. He wears a watch almost 24/7 and mainly sleeps with a watch around his wrist. People gift him watches and he also gifts watches to people. Why is he so ‘attached’ to watches? In his own words:
“Time on earth is precious, as we live linear to time. We have taken the body and its attachments for a specific duration. We have no right to procrastinate and waste time. Always be prompt, and do good to other people. In the absolute terms, time is exactly like money on earth. Time is the transactional material in karmic life. Just as our time on earth is precious and limited, others time is equally precious. We have no right to take anyone’s time for granted, unless otherwise if it is beyond our control. I keep time. I ride on time. Wrist watch makes me aware of my time, the flow of time and the need to move on. Wrist watch is a reminder, a connection that reminds me of earthly duties and its available duration. In a watch, I look at a bright dial which glows in the night with which I can read the time in the night, date, month and day. This keeps me with time. If I do not keep time, how am I living my message?”
A hug or bowing to the feet – how does it matter when only Love is real (Mohanji with my beloved grandma Ana)
Mohanji doesn’t not give any importance whatsoever to formalities of any type. Touching the feet of the elders and one’s guru especially, is most natural in most parts of India. It is something that is nurtured throughout one’s upbringing. In the West however, the same is mainly perceived as an act of submission, something that is awkward and inappropriate. I always find it interesting to observe how uncomfortable the non-Indian nationals who come for our meditations feel when they see the Indians lining up to touch the feet of Mohanji. If there are newcomers I always make it a point to explain the following to them: you are by no means obliged to touch Mohanji’s feet and should never feel pressured to do so just because others do it. Mohanji will not be offended or disappointed if you shake his hand or give him a hug instead. However, if you do feel comfortable/happy to do it, here is what needs to be understood: Bowing to the feet of the Master is a physical action that supports the mental/emotional process of nullification of the ego and full surrender to Divine. Moreover, one should not just bow, but gently place his/her third eye onto the tip of the Guru’s big toe. Something indescribably profound happens in that moment. If one is eligible, that one moment in time can change the person’s karmic blueprint and bring about deep cleansing and utmost bliss.
When a small group of us in Muscat did Mohanji’s Pada Pooja (worship of the feet of the Master) for the first time (this was back in 2011, in Muscat). I watched him going into expanded state as the mantras were being chanted and his feet washed with rose water, milk, etc. The atmosphere was very loving, auspicious, intimate.
Pada Pooja (on Gurupoornima 2011) that ended with Samadhi
When my turn came, I felt like placing my third eye onto the tip of his big toe (I remembered the insight about a subtle connection between Ajna chakra and the big toe from my Yoga Teachers Training in India). I somehow reached the sofa and sat into meditation. I could not move for quite some time as I went into a most blissful, breathless state – it was as if I was placed inside an energy bubble which stopped all my thoughts and made me experience the purest state of beingness. I remember that the voices of others seemed as if they were coming from a distance and even if I would open my eyes I could not even blink – nothing could disturb that perfect stillness and most wondrous aliveness which filled every cell of my body.
I drank from the Source…
Mohanji explained to me later that I went into a type of Samadhi state, I ‘drank from the Source.’ I learned from that experience that, when it comes to ancient practices, one should always look beyond the seeming formalities…
Once I heard Mohanji saying something that I truly cherished and applied immediately in my everyday life: “This is a perishable piece of flesh; yours too. Whenever you scandalize, criticize, judge or spread hatred against anyone, remember clearly that you are getting contaminated. Your inner space is becoming devil’s workshop. More than the one whom you try to harm, you are getting harmed. Your inner guru, your guiding force is suffering. Your conscience is getting damaged. You are adding more suffering into your endless path of existence. You are adding lifetimes of agony. Acts of kindness work right the opposite way. Hence choose kindness instead of hatred. I am not in the least affected by your opinions about me. But you are. Who wants a life filled with sorrows and hatred? Life is worth living only if it is filled with love and happiness. No guru can save anyone who keeps poisoning himself with negativity. Prevention is always better than cure. Live a disciplined and tidy life free from gossip and negativities. Life itself will take you to liberation.” Mohanji has always been clear about his path and his mission. Being an introvert, his articulation was less in the early days, but now life situations have pushed him to express more, which is something I watch with amusement. 🙂
Mohanji the introvert – now in full action
Whenever someone alludes that I am like a ‘single mother’ or whenever my mind starts playing games, I remind myself of the grace that has brought me here, the grace that fills my life with beauty and wonder. When Mohanji made the choice to leave the corporate world at the height of his career and dedicate himself fully to spiritual work, I agreed to stay in Oman with Mila and continue working while he improvises his life. There have been tough moments, but when purpose is strong and beautiful, nothing is really all that difficult. Sacrifice and selflessness bring out the true beauty in human beings. Besides, Mohanji has the ability to express his presence even in his absence. There are many testimonials from many of you affirming his potential to be everywhere, but nowhere.
Far from being a single mother – Mohanji cares for us every single moment, in one way or the other..
Far from being a single mother, as Mohanji cares for us every single moment, one way or the other, I behold the beautiful platform for serving thousands across the globe, the opportunities for service and upliftment of many that he keeps creating with utmost spontaneity. He continues to create these beautiful platforms for me and many others who are walking the path with him, without partiality or selfishness. I know not what my life would have been like without Mohanji in it, but am certain that I couldn’t have possibly created such a platform for service on my own. Mohanji’s activities worldwide are ours too – as a family we flow through all of it together, through all the ups and downs on the path. Mohanji never owns anything. It is up to us to make best use of the platform that he has created or else it will remain only that – a platform, a mold out of which something beautiful could have been created. Everyone’s contribution to the great cause is truly valuable. Words from the context of American football come to my mind – “When given a ball, you must run with it.”
When given a ball, you must run with it – when given a sky, you can’t but fly!
All in all, what is there to complain about? What more could I possibly ask for? So rest assured, my beloved readers, I am perfectly happy and contented. I cannot ask for more. Neither could I have got a master as a husband nor could I have created such a large platform for service, without the grace of the Divine. I do not intend to steal his presence from all of you nor can I enjoy his company alone. He belongs to the world. He is love incarnate. He is just too eager to give you everything that he can. As Mohanji says “I came empty handed. I give all I have here. And I leave empty handed.”
I would like to highlight Mohanji’s words which I find to be equally applicable to the East and West of today, to all for that matter: “Generation after generation has crucified those who expressed compassion without expectation out of sheer love. Never be perturbed by criticism which comes out of non-understanding. Be always objective. The mission is above everything. Liberation from the birth and death cycle is the most important thing in everyone’s life. Nothing else in the world is permanent. Nothing else is worth it. All are sensory pleasures. Feel free to enjoy them, if you have desires for them, with the clear understanding that life is beyond these pleasures. A liberated person can enjoy every moment in perfect detachment. Nothing is taboo. Nothing binds. A seeker could very well be bound if he indiscriminately indulges in sensory pleasures. This is the difference. What matters is awareness. What matters is objectivity. Nothing is good or bad for a liberated being. Everything is just part of existence. Life moves on. Live liberated. Leave liberated. Do not get involved in any kind of negativity through food, emotions or intellect. Consume only positive stuff. Avoid all those who bring negativity to you and give them positivity instead, without contaminating yourself.”
Suppression and any form of pretension (including ‘Holier than Thou’-type spiritual ego expressions) was never my cup of tea. When Mohanji and I got married I told him that I hoped no posing and pretension would be expected of me as a “Guruma” (Guru’s wife), that cultural differences surely exist and I may not meet the expectations of all his devotees in India. He smiled and said “You are more Indian than many Indians” (referring to my passion for Yoga, service and satwic lifestyle). He assured me that on our path one should always remain natural, spontaneous and true to him/herself.
I choose to be always natural, spontaneous and true to myself
Finally, I would like to touch upon one more important topic. While physically present in this realm of duality, Masters too are vulnerable and although able to rise above the suffering, they do experience pain. Being a Master, expressing openly and being accessible to people is something that requires unimaginably great courage for negative forces will not hesitate to scheme, manipulate and attack. The attacks can happen directly or through people who are filled with negativity and unconsciously (or sometimes even by free will) become their instruments. I have witnessed several horrific astral attacks on Mohanji. One that I will never forget resulted in his spine deforming into a letter S…
– as Mohanji operates through the spine, they were aiming to hit where it ‘counts the most’ and they surely caused some nuisance, but Mohanji recovered within a couple of days. Generally, he always plays it down, if not add some humor.
Needless to say, I was deeply concerned for Mohanji’s wellbeing and it hurt me to see him in pain, unable to sleep properly. A group of us gathered to perform Arati on Mohanji and pray to Baba, from the bottom of our heart, to heal Mohanji…
During Arati and prayers for healing of Mohanji…
We had the most memorable Divine experience that evening, which I don’t have the inner confirmation to share. Mohanji soon got healed and our joy knew no bounds!
I recall one morning when Mohanji’s body looked far more muscular than usual. I could not help but notice that and asked him how that happened. He told me that he had fought a big battle with demonic forces on the astral plane the whole night, in rescue of one helpless being who was like a lamb surrounded by bloodthirsty wolves. I’ve also met several people so far who have asked Mohanji whether he could open their third eye. However, they do not have spiritual, mental and emotional maturity to be able to handle all that comes with the opening of the third eye… This is a process that should never be rushed and manipulated. Sometimes, ignorance is indeed bliss.
When our daughter Mila fell from a height of 4,5m onto a marble floor in Nov 2013, I experienced pain incomparable to anything else I’ve ever experienced. I have been through a war, the humiliations of being a refugee, risked my life on daily basis while working for the UN in Kosovo and went through a near-death experience, but nothing could be compared to this. Any parent would gladly trade his/her life for that of a child. The way Mohanji handled this situation is something I will never forget – after three days in ICU, we were able to ‘bounce back’ and even went onto stage the during ACT Fusion concert, dressed up in colorful clothes, as if nothing had happened. This experience was truly magical.
During this speech I realized why I had to be born in a country ridden by war and undergo certain tough experiences– suddenly it all made a lot of sense. I realized how Existence was preparing me all along for this path, helping me develop the courage and determination required to tread the pathless path, the path to Liberation.
It was then that I realized that when we are connected to Mohanji, physically or metaphysically, or even when he is around physically or non-physically, things just happen – big problems become laughable jokes. There is always a surge in energy and we are put on the fast track of objectivity. He magically solves tough issues and makes us walk the path to strengthen and empower us.
When we are connected to Mohanji, physically or metaphysically, or even when he is around physically or non-physically, things just happen – big problems become laughable jokes.
With this positive note, I shall conclude this blog aimed at setting things straight with respect to various people’s questions directed to me about my life with Mohanji. Perhaps many of you are fortunate to spend more time with Mohanji as he keeps on traveling. I do not envy you. I believe you have earned that time and your connection with him. In the end, all of us get what we deserve. The Law of Karma, just like Law of Gravitation, is infallible.
Life is as it flows. We are all one.
Live your Truth, be of service to others and you can’t but radiate the eternal, ever-new joy of the Self
Being married to a Master is certainly no ordinary life. The Mohanji Factor is hard to define. Can we really understand the Divine through the narrow lens of our limited faculties? In this (two part) blog, Biba Mohan opens a window into her home and heart, sharing precious glimpses and perspectives of life with Mohanji.
18 April 2010 – a date that marked a union beyond time
The intention behind this text is to share with you how the great challenge – and even greater blessing – of being married to Mohanji truly feels. I do hope this will dissolve the doubts and concerns of some.
When I decided to marry Mohanji, I knew very well that I was marrying uncertainty. There would be no structured living. The regular, clock-work married life was never my cup of tea anyway. I liked challenges and this is surely something we have aplenty.
Five hours after Mohanji and I got married at the Registrar’s office, followed by the usual meal and family gathering, we were in a different city conducting meditation. Some of the relatives were disgruntled and I could not find words to effectively explain why we had to leave early… That moment marked a marriage most unusual in its nature. I knew I was marrying changes, fluidity, out-of-the-comfort-zone challenges and liberation. This was fully in line with my rebellious nature – I always liked doing things in accordance with what felt right to me, what had my inner confirmation. When a journalist from Dubai way back in 2008 interviewed me about my Yoga teaching and movie acting experience, I was surprised to see how she chose to name it – “Rebel with a cause”. I thought about it more deeply and it struck me how true this is.
Not that my rebellion was making me focus on what I am against, but I always stood for my own truth and believed that only when we have the courage to live our truth can our life become truly fulfilling.
Religious dogma and certain societal rules that made absolutely no sense to me did not stand much chance in my world.. For example, when Mohanji and I got married, I felt free to choose my own wedding gown instead of the usual white – I thought “after all, it is my wedding and I should be wearing something I truly enjoy.” The same applied to the choice of the wedding ring. I never enjoyed wearing a ring on the ring finger, only on the middle finger. I came across a ring that truly symbolized our union – two hearts connected in eternal flow of energy, celebrating Love with no hooks, Love beyond all barriers, Love pure and eternal…
The wedding ring of Truth
I cannot think of Mohanji as a man or a husband. I perceive him to be a being of sheer purpose; a free being who also happens to be my husband, but first and foremost an entity that is here and everywhere, with many people in multiple aspects of being-ness, moving effortlessly between tasks and places.
Very often people cannot see beyond the obvious. They are unaware that they are judging a situation using their mind’s limited faculties. When Mohanji sometimes scolds me in front of others, certain questions soon come my way: “Why is he so abrupt and rude with you?” or “Does Mohanji ever spend time with you? Does he talk to you with love, kindness and consideration? Does he spend time with Mila?” I therefore decided to write a blog on this, to set the record straight.
My answer to that would be the following – Mohanji is objective and totally impartial. He grants me no special favors, nothing more than anyone else receives. I never expect any either because I know his heart and I know his dedication to the higher purpose that he lives for. He is, as he says, “purpose-bound”.
Mohanji’s ‘purpose-bound’ expression
I see that purposefulness happening all the time. Indeed he is like a mirror, filling into the vessel that you bring to him. If you bring anger and a hatred-filled mind, he responds in the same way with laser sharp definiteness in order to blast it off you that very instant. The same principle applies to me in those moments when he scolds me. If you bring love however, he is love and he melts… The mirror called Mohanji sincerely and objectively reflects your own constitution.
Whenever he has uttered sharp words to anyone, I have clearly seen things change in them almost immediately. His presence always transforms and heals. Many people however come with expectations. Those people will also leave with complaints. Expectations never work with Mohanji. He never caters to such desires. He always says “I never intercept or interfere with anyone’s karma. All I do is remove blockages so that they could move on effectively in evolution”. Those who complain have clearly not understood him. When I once told him that his straightforward approach may be taken as rude behavior, he said: “What have I got to do with people? I never do anything for myself. I do it for their own good. I do it out of love and compassion and the need to shake them up, to wake them up from their deep slumber of routine habitual ignorant patterns. I am doing it out of love, not hatred. When someone scolds another out of anger and hatred, it is not good for either party. What I do is not out of anger or hatred for the person. It is out of love. That makes my responses pure and clear. If someone does not understand that and thus decides to leave me, how can I help it?” Indeed, the crucial difference is in the intention – are the reactions based on love or hatred? This should be clearly understood.
The blessing of scolding
Whenever he scolded me, I never felt the usual sensation of the heart chakra shrinking, the painful emotional scarring which is often remembered long after. On the contrary, I always felt something was being removed from me. Some blockage would be cleared, followed by an inner shift, bringing a sense of relief, clarity and blissful lightness. What’s even more interesting is that I do not even remember any of his past scoldings. I honestly cannot remember a single one. And even he will not remember what he told me or anyone else after the incident unless someone reminds him. He always operates in the present, sliding to the next and next event effortlessly. Nothing stays in his canvass as he glides through life. Nothing can hold him beyond the specific time. This, I must say, is the unique quality of a Master – if a Master cannot scold his disciple and prick the balloon of his/her ego, then he is no Master.
Sugar-coated words due to second agendas are the quality of politicians, not spiritual Masters. Every true disciple should recognize the value of scolding and accept it with gratitude, for nobody can fight the in-built ego mechanism, but a Master can. In my case, the situation is unique and slightly more challenging because my Master is also my husband and when disagreements happen all wives like to be right at least sometimes. 🙂 However, I don’t have that right – and can’t complain either cause that was my own conscious choice!
Love is…
I have witnessed something beautiful about Mohanji in many life situations till date – he carries no anger, hatred or enmity towards anyone. He just responds to situations objectively and moves on. One day he said “Look at the birds and animals. They accept life situations as they come. A poor cat was hurt in a traffic accident. Its legs were broken. It dragged itself to one side of the pavement and licked its wound. It stopped crying almost immediately and started handling its new situation. Look at its objectivity! Why are we so resistant? If it was a human being, he/she would instantly find someone to blame and make the given situation worse. Lack of acceptance of what is given is one of the primary causes of human sorrow. Nobody ever gets anything that he/she does not deserve. So, acceptance of reality is important in order not to be stuck with a place, person or a situation.”
Indeed, it is our resistance that leads us to the blame game, to sorrow and self-pity. But this does not apply to Mohanji. This was especially noticable during the times when he worked in the corporate world (until mid 2012). Wherever he worked, he never waited for others to complete his work. He used to work hard, day and night, and never switched his mobile phone off (I must admit, I was not too pleased with that…). Always available and ready for work! Despite his hard work and despite bringing a lot of new business to his company, his management often treated him in an unjust manner. He would just brush it aside and say “I operate in my capacity and they do so in theirs. Life moves on.” Mohanji brushed off the injustice and left them to handle their own karma. The same applied to those who cheated him or let him down in life. He just detached from the person, place or event and moved on. Total acceptance and objectivity was obvious in all his work. He always used to say “If you are good in what you do, you will be in demand. The sun cannot be hidden even by the thickest of clouds for long.”
The sun that shines even in darkness
Mohanji is a thorough introvert. I know this better than anyone else. He likes to be left alone. I always remember a story from his childhood – when a primary school teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said “I want to be alone.” This made the teacher brand him as a retarded child! I am sure her opinion would have changed if she could see the Mohanji of today. As the number of people coming to him has increased manifold over the last few years, his private time has become increasingly precious and limited. He never complains. He only requests discipline and understanding from people. At the same time, Mila and I are not just brushed aside. He never misses even the minutest detail and always ensures that we are taken care of and protected. He attends to us, wherever he is, in one way or the other, often through someone. All I know is that in the end our problem gets solved. Bear in mind, he does the same with almost everyone who is connected to him. Can you imagine the size of his workload in this world?
The numerous testimonials coming out each day through mails and blogs are a true reflection of what Mohanji is to the world. He is the same to me. He means the world to me. To many people across the world, he means the world to them too. He has touched many lives over the years. Many people have come and at the same time many have left disillusioned too. As mentioned above, it is usually those who come with many expectations that leave disillusioned. Mohanji used to tell me: “This person will not stay. He has come with expectations. I cannot fulfill his desires. This is against his karma. I will not do anything against his karma.” Mohanji always stays with the truth and ethics of spirituality. I have seen him doing things which even made him sick and bed-ridden – people would come to him with serious problems and out of sheer compassion, he would remove their affliction and bring it onto himself, leaving them liberated. This used to worry me. Then I would remind myself “He knows what he is doing. He has clarity of purpose and a will of steel. I should not interfere.” Still love would overwhelm my heart.
Still love would overwhelm my heart…
As I sit down to write my thoughts, a thousand faces travel through my mind. The faces of those whom Mohanji has touched over the last 7 years since I have known him. He has empowered thousands. He has touched so many lives across the globe positively, blessing them with exactly that what they were lacking in order for them to evolve further. Moreover, spirituality aside, he has enriched many people’s lives through consultancy work without any expectations. One can actually touch and feel the “Mohanji Factor” in people’s lives even though some may not want to accept it due to their ego. But, as I write this, I know that his existence on earth has empowered and continues to empower thousands. What is a life worth, if it is not lived for others? Many people have written blogs and sent in testimonials about the “Mohanji Factor” in their lives. Many have chosen to ignore it, calling it coincidence. I sincerely feel pity if grace cannot be received and cherished gracefully. Mohanji has always kept on delivering in whatever form he chooses. He has never expected anything from or cared about those who love him or criticize him. He just made himself available and kept on delivering. The Mohanji Factor continues to touch many lives every moment. Needless to say, it makes me proud to be a part of this mission, to be a part of this grand movement of unconditional love.
The Mohanji Factor continues to touch many lives every moment..
Mohanji has always believed in delivering fully and completely at all times, without any scheming or second agenda. But if there is one thing that Mohanji detests in people, it is artificiality, along with pretention and masks. Without naming anyone in particular, he would often say “These people need nothing from me. They will get nothing. They do not care for liberation. They are wasting my time – I can give them nothing. They came to share with me their pretension and insecurities. Some of them have come to compare me with another. I have nothing to do with it. They wasted my time and theirs.” On another occasion, I heard him tell someone on the phone “Oh, she has nothing to do with God realization. She is just after some spiritual sensations. I am the wrong person for that. My path is that of annihilation of everything and merger with the supreme. All she needs for spiritual elevation, if that is her true choice, is a conscious shedding of her pretensions. She can reach the highest only by shedding her masks.”
Some of my friends tell me “You are like a single Mom. Your husband is never around.” That may be true physically, but Mohanji makes his presence felt to us in numerous ways all of the time. My husband called Mohanji is handling a large mission, connecting continents and a multitude of beings. He works more than 18 hours a day. He sleeps very little. Even if he sleeps, the same is used for a purpose which is not personal. In the moments when I would witness his barely noticeable breathing and enhanced radiance (signifying astral travel and work on other planes) I would be reminded that this is what I asked for and got blessed with – so how could I ever complain? I could not possibly imagine all the challenges that would come our way, but was mentally prepared to accept all that would come with this decision. We even lived together for three years before we actually got married. I knew that he would belong to the world and I was happy that I would get to serve the world through him and together with him, which is what I always wanted to do in life. When I asked Baba in 2006 for a Master as a husband, what I actually meant was ‘May I marry only if that will further enhance my service to humanity and elevate me further. Nothing compares to a union through which one can celebrate and serve Love.”
Seeing this image of the great Master Shirdi Sai Baba left me breathless and stirred so many deep feelings from the depths of my being. I felt prompted me to share with you a recent experience with Him that really touched my heart, to inspire you to connect with his consciousness and witness the miracles of Love in your life…
Mila’s fall
There is a nursery rhyme called Humpty Dumpty (…sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…) – Mila likes it a lot and I now play for her a lovely 3D version of this song with an animation that shows a smiling face of Humpty Dumpty after falling from a big height. And Mila happily comments ‘See mama, Humpty Dumpty is OK after all… He is smiling’.
Witnessing Mila’s fall from the height of 4,5 meters onto a marble floor on Nov 5th 2013 was, I must say, the most horrible/scary experience of my life.
The dreadful place of Mila’s fall on 5 Nov
We went to a 5 star hotel for a meeting with the purpose of fundraising for our charity, and Mila ran outside while we were waiting for the meeting. She happily ran up the slope covered with green grass, with green bush fence at the top – it looked safe and I allowed her to play for some time, but as she kept climbing up towards the top and wouldn’t return, I started running after her. She reached the top, looked at me with a smile, and then, as if something pulled her from the back, disappeared. There was an opening between the green bushes and the arch next to it… – it was not noticeable from down.
The deadly opening between the green bush fence and the arch
A couple of seconds later, I witnessed a scene I will never forget – my beloved baby spread out on a marble floor way, way down (more than 4 meters of height). For a moment, I felt that I was no longer in my body but hovering above her – for a couple of seconds, I was in a detached witnessing state (that I recognize from my NDE experience in 2000), ready to cross over with her… It felt as if maybe 20% of me was still connected with the body and that part of me pushed back, to call for help urgently, to see whether Mila can still be saved… That part of me willed the floating part back into the physical body and at the second attempt I managed to produce a yell “Heeeelp!” Oblivious to the fact that there is a stone arch above my head, I suddenly straightened my legs in order to run for help and hit my head – due to high adrenaline I did not feel much pain, but suddenly felt warm blood gushing down my head (later on came to know I have a 3cm cut on my head) and bent forward, continuing to call for help.
Hotel guards responded immediately – one went to get Mila and one brought a small towel to me to press it against my head. In a couple of seconds, I held my beloved Mila in my arms – she was conscious and moaning… Our friends who were at the hotel with us a were silent and stunned. They just said that the car was ready to take us to a nearby hospital right away.
The minutes of reaching the hospital seemed so long – I fought the mind’s pull towards negative thoughts like “Will she ever walk again? Will she remain sane?” with prayers and chants… I didn’t know how to hold Mila, so worried about the spine and possible life-long consequences of not keeping her body straight at this critical time. After reaching the hospital, further traumas ensued – as I placed her on the bed in the Emergency Room, a big strand of her hair remained in my palm. It scared me and I did not know what to make out of it. Then the doctor asked to hold her and see if she can walk, but oh, she wouldn’t… That crushed my heart. However, soon enough, out of a protest, she suddenly kicked with both her legs and that brought a deep sigh of relief…
Doctor said her body seems to be OK but that there is a hematoma, i.e. since back of her head endured such a strong hit, internal bleeding is surely happening and that is very dangerous because accumulated blood is pressing the brain… He said that, considering the height from which she fell, brain surgery may be required, but that can be determined only after the brain scan.
Mohanji came, along with my parents in law, silent and focused within.. – all of us were in continuous prayer, knowing that the outcome of the brain scan is in the hands of Divine… I came to know later on that the word about Mila’s fall spread very fast among all our friends and family (blood family and spiritual family globally) within minutes and so many were sending loving rays of light and healing to Mila through deep prayer.
Survived!
At last, the result of the brain scan – there were two hematomas, but internal bleeding started subsiding and it was established that brain surgery won’t be required. Mila and I (as her companion) were kept under strict observation in the ICU for three days and happily left the hospital a day before the ACT Fusion charity concert, which actually was the main reason of our trip to Delhi.
I took off the bandage from my head, washed my hair, put on a sari and colorful dress on Mila – it was especially strange when we stood on the stage at this beautiful ACT Fusion concert (video link) as if nothing happened – with my head bandage removed and Mila’s internal bleeding not visible, to those who did not know about the accident it looked as if nothing happened… Life is such a miracle!
On the stage – a day after the ICU
Observed from a grand perspective, I am aware that all our experiences have a higher meaning and if this experience was meant to strengthen my faith and gratitude and gain further clarity about the challenges and beauty of our spiritual path, so be it.
I am forever grateful to all of you who contributed to Mila’s speedy recovery with your prayers, blessings and loving wishes – you have touched my heart deeply and those energies certainly did reach her. In the lap of our Grand Tradition, in the lap of Divine, Mila’s healing took place miraculously. Mohanji said that, when he placed his hands on her in the hospital bed, energy pull through the hand that was on her head was so strong that for some time it felt glued to her head. We are forever grateful for the blessing of Mohanji’s physical presence in our lives…
The mighty radiance of our Tradition shines forth
During our discussions after the accident, he shared we me some profound insights about our path and the following lessons which I now treasure:
“No entity can affect me directly. But beware, they could affect me through you or Mila or others who are close to me or my mission. If you are within my energy field and consciousness, you are safe. Otherwise, you are vulnerable. Their aim is to slow me down. This has happened to almost all masters of the past. Many road blocks have been created in their path, systematically so that they slow down. Even negative thoughts are given to their followers so that they are distracted and leave the path. The other path option is the path of binding. It is a path of comfort zones, fears and bindings.”
“There are numerous teachers and very few masters on earth today. The masters are connected to the source. They are the target. The teachers are not affected. Jesus was connected to the source. He was killed. Socrates and Osho were connected to the source. Those who are connected to the source are taking people from the earthly binding to the path of liberation. Most of them are avadhootas. Shirdi Sai was even taken to the court when He was in His body. Hence, being my wife, you have high responsibility. You should be connected to my consciousness always and operate in that. This is very important to know because, if they want to slow me down, they may use you for that.”
Being Mila – not easy…
” Mila is Mohanji’s daughter and it is not easy for her. Lord Krishna, Jesus and all the higher souls had a tough childhood. How many beings attacked Krishna when he was a baby? The parents of Jesus had to go abroad to save the life of their child. The more powerful the entity is, so much more is he or she vulnerable. It depends on the power of the soul. Ammu was powerful as well. We know that now, as she is working through many people to wipe the tears of many through Ammucare/ACT. They will certainly leave their impression on earth irrespective of their time on earth. But, it is extra ordinary responsibility of the parents to take care of the baby. You cannot take chances. ”
“The Nath tradition or Datta tradition is powerful. Once someone is connected to it, he/she will always be protected. But, this path is the path of liberation and hence, everyone’s free will is well respected. The door of the tradition always stays swinging open for people to come, stay and if they choose to go. Once inside the house, they are well taken care of.”
All this was pondered upon during another week that we were asked to spend in Delhi before Mila could be allowed to fly back to Oman.
We remained at Nandita’s beautiful home in Gurgaon and hereby I must say that I can never forget the love and selflessness that we experienced during the period of Mila’s recovery – waiting patiently until we saw Mila transform from extreme crankyness to her old playful chirpy self was not easy. Nandita especially displayed exemplary compassion and care during the whole stay – was hardly sleeping during those days and the selflessness without any expectations that oozes out of her was truly inspiring. Shreya pleased all Mila’s demands for nursery rhymes on all possible electronic equipment in the house :-), their house help was amazing (hats off to Rade Sham, the best house help I ever saw) and so the recovery went very well. I can’t but also mention Shashank, Phaneedhar, Ravneet Singh, Bindu, Shaju & Aparrna, Amita Shukla, Smriti and Karan Arora, Bharti and Sunil Kapoor, Palak, Ranjan, Mohanji’s parents and uncle Anujan and Aunt Vasumathi – all who helped us most lovingly through this recovery period.
A day before our return Nandita took Mila and I to a beautiful Shirdi Baba temple in Gurgaon. Still recovering from the head injury, Mila was quite cranky that afternoon, but the moment we entered the energy field of this temple she suddenly became joyous and peaceful.
The soothing energy of the Sai Temple in Gurgaon
While offering our prostrations at the murti of Shirdi Baba, we happened to meet a beautiful man with glossy eyes whom I presume was the priest of this temple. He spoke to me, saying something in Hindi (while Nandita was on the phone), and I could only make out that he is talking about Baba, his blessings through direct experiences that he gives to all those who pray/connect to him. I told him that I have indeed experienced many profound blessings from Baba and that, in fact, the first word that Mila uttered when she was a couple of months old was not Mama or Papa but ‘Baba’. He looked into her eyes intently for a couple of seconds and smiled.
I also told him briefly that when I was 4 months pregnant with Mila, I almost lost her through miscarriage, but Baba saved her. In my mind, I re-lived the drama I experienced 3 years ago:
Miscarriage – gone with Vibhuti
The cause of this possible tragedy couldn’t be more silly. I overexerted myself in the Gym, watching a movie and walking on the treadmill and then stepper for 3 hours.. I must say that at the beginning of the pregnancy Mohanji warned me not to go to the Gym but only go for the walks outside – I remember clearly that he said “Negative entities will put silly thought in your mind and you will regret it”. I discarded this warning applying the logic that there is no difference between walking outdoor and walking on the treadmill. However, only later (that is, when it was too late…) did I realize that exactly that happened – the movie played on the TV was interesting (‘Australia’) and lasted much longer than I thought. As my attention was fully on the movie, my awareness level was low and eager to see the end of the movie I disregarded body’s signals of exhaustion.
Mila in the womb and in the lap of the Masters
The next morning I woke up and suddenly felt horrible, sharp pain in the abdomen, as if someone was stabbing me with the knife. I was in shock and could not move. After a minute or so of break, the unbearable pain would continue. I called the doctor and she said this is definitely not normal in the 4th month of pregnancy and that I should go to the hospital at the earliest. It did not take me long to realize that these are contractions, i.e. signs of miscarriage.
Mohanji was just about to leave for an important meeting when this started – he prayed to Baba right away and got a telepathic message that I should swallow the full packed of Shirdi Sai Vibhuti (sacred ash). Mohanji gave it to me, but at that moment I could not lift my head. I told him to leave it with me and I will do it somehow. For the next 45 min. I struggled with this horrible pain, coupled with so much fear, and struggled to somehow gulp the sacred ash. With the last atom of my energy, I somehow prompted myself up and swallowed this packet of Vibhuti. In that very second, as if touched by a magic wand, it all stopped – no more contractions, no more pain. I was in disbelief, bowed to Baba mentally and quickly got dressed to go to the hospital. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the world seemed perfect – what a contrast to the nightmare I was in only minutes ago…
In the hospital it was established that traces of contractions were visible on the walls of the uterus, but baby is completely safe. Praise to the Great Sai! This experience taught me the importance of obeying the orders/advice of the Guru without applying small mind’s logic…
Back to Shirdi Sai’s temple in Gurgaon – we soon parted from the priest with glowing eyes and went for a calm walk within the temple premise, simply soaking its energy. At one point I noticed that the priest is calling us to come back, mentioning ‘baccha’ (the child).
He held a beautiful mild green scarf in his hand and said “This is for ‘baccha’ – from Sai Baba. I watched in wonder how softly he put it around her head and tied it under her chin – what’s even more surprising, she did not complain at all (she usually doesn’t like to be touched by strangers and would shout straight away ‘Don’t touch!’). Mila said so sweetly ‘Thank you Sai Baba’ and kept this scarf on her head silently for more than 30 min… I was in awe and went into silence – I knew from the basics of energy healing that mild green is the color of healing – and it is surely no ‘coincidence’ that priest was asked to place this scarf exactly on Mila’s head.
Baba’s special gift – the green scarf of healing for Mila
From all my past experiences with the Great Sai, I know that whenever he performs a miracle, he also makes sure a concrete ‘evidence’ or sign is given to confirm the same to our doubting mind.
No more proofs are required in this body-mind-soul system dearest Baba – I am yours and you live in my heart forever….
Moreover, when Mohanji shared with me the loving words of Vittal Babaji, whom he happened to meet soon after we left Delhi, I was deeply touched. He said:
“Mila is the child of our tradition, the powerful Datta Tradition. She is the child of all the masters of this tradition. Nobody can harm her permanently. Out of jealousy, they will try. But, she is well within our protection ring. Being Mohanji’s child, she would be too visible to the world. She will always be protected by the masters.”
Mohanji with Vittal Babaji, Hyderabad, 23 Nov 2013
Ending this experience sharing, I would like to prompt all of you who have not yet read the most amazing living book called ‘Sai Satcharita’ (basically, the gospel of Shirdi Baba’s life) to do so – connect with this Love and experience most touching first-hand miracles in your daily life. No matter how many experience sharing stories one reads, one’s relationship with Divine is individual, soul to soul, and can be established only through direct experiences.
Many people claim they can connect with “God”, that is, the formless Absolute, through their prayers, as per the directions/conditionings of their faith. However, I do believe that unless the Divine consciousness comes with a form and one first connects to that form through deep experiences and iron-strong faith, he/she cannot develop faith in the Formless. In the critical times especially, during the harshest tests, this generalized faith fails us. The Divine in human form serves the purpose in preparing us to comprehend the Formless Absolute/the Father/Allah/Parabramha…
Sai Baba’s ‘Satcharita’ is a book filled with special energy and blessings which simply overwhelm one’s inner space while reading about the life-transforming experiences of people living with the Great Sai Baba in the small village in India called Shirdi a century ago.
Compassion of the Universe expressed through the eyes of the mighty Shirdi Sai
There is one such experience described in Sai Satcharita that really touched my heart and spoke volumes about Baba and the depth of his Love:
“In the year 1910 A.D., Baba was sitting near the Dhuni on Divali holiday and warming Himself. He was pushing fire-wood into the Dhuni, which was brightly burning. A little later, instead of pushing logs of woods, Baba pushed His arm into the Dhuni; the arm was scorched and burnt immediately. This was noticed by the servant Madhava, and also by Madhavrao Deshpande (Shama). They at once ran to Baba and Madhavarao clasped Baba by His waist from behind and dragged Him forcible back ward and asked, ‘Deva, for what have You done this?’ Then Baba came to His senses and replied, ‘The wife of a blacksmith at some distant place, was working the bellows of a furnace; her husband called her. Forgetting that her child was on her waist, she ran hastily and the child slipped into the furnace. I immediately thrust My hand into the furnace and saved the child. I do not mind My arm being burnt, but I am glad that the life of the child is saved.”
And then another story ensues, which further explains Baba’s operating level, deeper meaning of all his words and actions, the unimaginable depth of his Love:
“On hearing the news of Baba’s hand being burnt from (Shama) Madhavrao Deshpande, Mr. Nanasaheb Chandorkar, accompanied by the famous Doctor Parmanand of Bombay with his medical outfit consisting of ointments, lint and bandage etc. rushed to Shirdi, and requested Baba to allow Dr. Parmanand to examine the arm, and dress the wound caused by the burn. This was refused. Ever since the burn, the arm was dressed by the leper devotee, Bhagoji Shinde. His treatment consisted in massaging the burnt part with ghee and then placing a leaf over it and bandaging it tightly with Pattis (bandages). Mr. Nanasaheb Chandorkar solicited Baba many a time to unfasten the Pattis and get the wound examined and dressed and treated by Dr. Parmanand, with the object that it may be speedily healed. Dr. Parmanand himself made similar requests, but Baba postponed saying that Allah was His Doctor; and did not allow His arm to be examined. Dr. Paramanand’s medicines were not exposed to their air of Shirdi, as they remained intact, but he had the good fortune of getting a darshana of Baba. Bhagoji was allowed to treat the hand daily. After some days, the arm healed and all were happy. Still, we do not know whether any trace of pain was left or not. Every morning, Bhagoji went throught his programme of loosening the Pattis, massaging he arm with ghee and tightly bandaging it again. This went on till Sai Baba’s Samadhi (death). Sai Baba, a perfect Siddha, as He was, did not really want this treatment, but out of love to His devotee, He allowed the ‘Upasana’ – service of Bhagoji to go on un-interrupted all along. When Baba started for Lendi, Bhagoji held an umbrella over Him and accompanied Him. Every morning, when Baba sat near the post close to the Dhuni, Bhagoji was present and started his service. Bhagoji was a sinner in his past brith. He was suffering from leprosy, his fingers had shrunk, his body was full of pus and smelling badly. Though outwardly he seemed so unfortunate, he was really very lucky and happy, for he was the premier servant of Baba, and got the benefit of His company.”
M family at the feet of Baba
The e-book version of Sai Satcharita can be found at the following link:
After reading this book one will surely wonder, how can human mind possibly comprehend the level from which Baba operates – it is only through expanding our hearts and connecting with His consciousness that we can begin to understand Him. Shirdi Sai taught the Truth through his actions, not through discourses. Sometimes his methods were stern, due to the conditions prevailing in the olden days. He once said: “Where are you searching for me? I am in one place and you search for me elsewhere. I am in all pure hearts. You are searching for me in all polluted places. How can you find me?”
Expanded heart during Shirdi Sai Arati
However, most could not understand the Great Sai while he was alive physically….
Mohanji described this beautifully:
“Today, Shirdi temple is rolling in wealth. When Baba was living, he lived as a poor man. People even denied him oil to burn his lamp. He hardly had shelter from rain or sunshine. We always tend to glory the gurus of the White Path after their death and we shower the riches on their tombs because we cannot deny the truth. Truth must be appreciated sooner or later!”
Sathya Sai said “My life is my message” – and indeed it was. But many were stuck with the ‘physical frame’ of Shirdi Sai and could not connect with the consciousness of Sathya Sai Baba, a different manifestation of the same Avatar. This is human nature… If one could simply connect with purest Love and evaluate everything in accordance with the same, all problems and conflicts would disappear…
Mohanji never shares people’s personal stories with me but told me once that most of the people approach him with regards to the relationship/marital problems and emotional issues devoid of any higher meaning. It is enough to contemplate for a minute on the Love that the Great Sai radiated (and continues to radiate) to realize how silly most of our problems are.
If we are to experience deep fulfillment in our life at all levels, there is only one requirement – a deep desire to be an instrument of this purest possible Love. To live it, to express it, to serve it – and eventually, to become one with it.
This remains my only prayer – may I be your instrument, may I be blessed to serve/express/glorify You.
It was way back in 1998 when this life-transforming direct experience of Grace happened, and yet it is only now that I feel the time is right to share it…
The Church of St. Petka (or St. Paraskeva) is a true place of power with an amazing energy, located within the historic Kalemegdan park (also known as Belgrade fortress), the largest park and most important historical monument in Belgrade.
If you get a chance to go to Belgrade, aside from strolling through this beautiful park overlooking the confluence of Danube and Sava river, you should definitely experience the vibrations of this amazing Church as well and get the blessings of St. Petka. Her presence indeed can be felt there. In fact, the whole area around the Church and the little hill top nearby has an amazing vibration – whoever goes there feels refreshed and cleansed, although many probably don’t know why.
Re-visiting the church and enjoying the energy and blessings of St. Petka – Biba (with aunt Danica) in April 2011, a couple of days before delivering Mila
Moreover, there is a miraculous spring of water which appeared in front of the church with Her blessings. This water has special healing properties – small bottles with this healing water are distributed in the church.
Many people have had and continue having profound spiritual experiences at this humble little church of St. Petka – I remember reading the story of a Serbian soldier who was wounded and surrounded by the enemy. He prayed to St. Petka to protect him – he had nowhere to run as the enemy soldiers already surrounded him. The moment he thought his life is over, he suddenly realized that, even though they were standing right in front of him, the enemy soldiers could not see him! St. Petka protected him with a shield which made him invisible…
I would hereby like to share with you the experience I had in Dec 2008, an experience I will never forget…
That was the only time in my life when I sank so low that I did not care whether I would continue living or not. I totally lost my compass and what’s even worse, totally lost my self-respect. My mind made a big deal out of a mistake I made and a sort of a self-destructive mechanism got activated within me – there was no escape from my inner enemy and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Roaming around aimlessly all over Kalemegdan park on a cold winter day, I felt a pull to go to one specific area down the stairs covered with snow. I noticed a cute little building there and felt I should go inside. The moment I entered I realized it’s a Church. There was nobody inside and I took my time to carefully explore the frescos that cover the church walls and its ceiling/dome. It felt pleasant, with a beautiful vibe of loving intimacy. I was carrying a big load on my heart and simply I could not take it anymore.
The moment I noticed a painting with a compassionate expression of a frail saint dressed in black clothes of a renunciate, I looked into her eyes and started praying intensely, sharing all my sorrow with her. At that time I did not even know this was St. Petka (St. Paraskeva) a Christian saint and martyr (in brief, she lived in the 2nd century A.D.
Born in a rich family, she divided up all her possessions among the poor and performed intense penance in the dessert. Due to her purity, she was given the blessing to perform miracles, which she used mainly for healing of the blind, deaf, etc. She was tortured by the Romans and her physical life ended in the year 140 when she was beheaded. During her life she performed many miracles, but even today she helps all those who pray to her with faith). I pleaded to her to help me start loving myself again and take me out of the quagmire I was in. My eyes were filling up with tears and thus my vision could have been slightly blurred, but at one moment I became breathless upon realizing – her eyes BECAME ALIVE. I will never forget those eyes and the intense compassion they radiated. They were a true fountain of bliss which, within seconds, melted all the negativities within me.
The living eyes of St. Petka
At that moment all my inner brakes were gone and I sobbed loudly, bowing to her and asking her to bless me. And then all the crying stopped – I felt a big internal shift. I could not really pinpoint what that was because my analytical mind simply stopped functioning. I just enjoyed the incredible state I was in – super energized and flooded with immense love. I felt expanded and totally blissful. There was no more pain and definitely no thoughts – I just was, blissfully aware of everything around me, witnessing every breath of mine, simply being. My breathing was very slow and I was not even blinking. My awareness was spread all around me and there was a sense of oneness with the entire creation. At one point I moved towards the door – like a queen in a big flowing gown, I walked gracefully towards the stairs covered with snow. It was as if I was moving in slow motion. As I was witnessing myself climbing the stairs, my legs were doing the job of climbing but I could not feel my leg muscles being utilized. I was like a big cloud, much more than just the physical body – this feeling of lightness and bliss was overwhelming.
The piercing cold wind ‘Kosava’ sure was blowing like every winter and my hair was flowing in the air, but I could not feel any cold on my face or anywhere else – as if I was within a huge glass shield filled with pure bliss! As I ‘floated’ through the entire Kalemegdan park with a blissful smile, I witnessed that whoever passed by me would turn. I was seeing only a portion of that with my physical eyes, but after they would pass me I could sense/see that they turned in wonder. I was aware of everything in 360 degrees around me…
This continued during the entire walk through the park and it was only when I entered the busy ‘Knez Mihajlova Street’ buzzing with people that the ‘glass shield’ suddenly disappeared. The cold Kosava wind made its presence known right away. I touched my face and just stood there, filled with awe and excitement, ‘digesting’ the experience. There was no trace of my self-hatred or any negative feeling whatsoever. My mind was not able to explain what just happened. All I knew was that I was as down as I could be and St. Petka uplifted me in the way I never thought was possible.
St. Petka’s inner mastery as Grace through eternity
In the language of Christian Church, St. Petka is a saint and a martyr, while in spiritual terms she is a great Master who operates from higher realms of consciousness and continues to shower her blessings on those who connect with her with faith and an ‘open cup’.
What I didn’t know back in 1998 was that the blessing of St. Petka was not reserved to that singular experience. Ten years later, I recognized this blissful state once again – it marked another milestone in my life, the sacred moment when Mohanji initiated me into Shaktipat long-distance, i.e. astrally. After lying down for a couple of hours feeling as if I’m blissfully ‘floating on the waves’, I was asked to drive through the busy streets of Dubai, from Deira to Bur Dubai area, to conduct the Power of Purity meditation. Again, I was in this amazing expanded state, my eyes were ‘off focus’ due to intense energy in higher chakras. I was not even blinking, simply staring off focus and driving, but could see/sense everything around me. Driving in such a state would have been totally scary if the faith and surrender were not there. The energy was so strong and overwhelming that I felt I was burning in it, especially my spine. Mohanji was in Oman at that time and, even though I knew he is with me through this experience, I felt like contacted him over the phone as well to convey that the heat is becoming overwhelming. I thought he was joking when he told me I should have an ice-cream. I somehow reached my destination and stormed into the nearby supermarket – the moment I had the ice-cream I indeed felt better and settled into the experience.
The immeasurable Grace of Shaktipat
Two years later, again, I recognized this most beautiful state which reminded me of St. Petka’s blessing – as always, it happened when least expected. There was a small group of us in Muscat who gathered to perform Pada Pooja (worship of the feet of the Master) to Mohanji. I was not familiar with the chants and I did not know about the subtle connection between the third eye and big toe, but the moment after I bowed to Mohanji touching his big toe (through which immense energy was oozing out) with my third eye/forehead, I felt a very powerful energy which catapulted me into this most beautiful blissful state once again. I barely managed to sit down and there I was again, in this most wonderful expanded state, as if within a huge ‘glass shield’ of purest beingness and bliss.
The journey continues on this Path of Pathlessness – there are no expectations, only deep gratitude and a deep desire to serve as the instrument of this Grace…
Devi Mohan Blog 